Nelly
Yesterday I had to explain to my roommates, who don't drink, why Jeff's car was in the backyard.
2008-02-29 16:36:23 / Rating: 331.75 / 
Story archives - February 2008
Scarlett
"Leave the pizza on the futon and I'll eat it for breakfast" would be the most collegiate sentence ever uttered, if only I had worked in the word "toga."
2008-02-29 16:35:32 / Rating: 397.75 /
Dreamt
I had never seen anyone so distraught in my life until I had asked a passing woman, "Did you see a penguin with drum sticks run by here?"
2008-02-29 12:59:40 / Rating: 296.75 /
normal
There is a very big difference between being anorexic and focusing on something so much that you forget to eat.
2008-02-29 12:59:19 / Rating: 353.25 /
Ryder
I raced against the rising tide to read what she'd written in the sand.
2008-02-29 12:58:49 / Rating: 488.25 /
Lars
We never did finish our campfire discussion over when coffee stops tasting like crap and starts to taste like coffee.
2008-02-29 12:58:34 / Rating: 206.75 /
Waiting For The White Truck
The mail arrives promptly at 10:15 every morning except on those that I expect a college decision letter.
2008-02-29 12:50:13 / Rating: 269.75 /
somebodyelse
Honestly, I'd rather be a fry-cook.
2008-02-29 12:47:39 / Rating: 249.25 /
Cupcake
I'm burning the bridge so I can stop thinking about trying to cross it again.
2008-02-29 12:46:15 / Rating: 458 /
Religion...
Every time my former pastor asks me when I'm going back to church, I make excuses and evade telling him I converted to Paganism.
2008-02-29 12:45:49 / Rating: 267 /
MadMaGumby
"I'm having too much fun with Rock Band to see you," he implied when he didn't reply to her e-mail.
2008-02-26 14:44:27 / Rating: 121 /
Steveie
Because my 8th grade teacher thought I was lying to him about my name I made my one and only visit to the pricipals office to explain that, "Yes, my name is Steveie and, no, I'm not a boy".
2008-02-26 14:43:04 / Rating: 251.75 /
Jess
I'm 18 years old and am in no way ready for motherhood, but I wasn't as relieved as I thought I'd be when it read negative.
2008-02-26 14:42:22 / Rating: 350.25 /
Dormouse
If you thought getting dumped in a text was bad, I just learned he ended our relationship through Facebook.
2008-02-26 14:41:27 / Rating: 443 /
Why?
I spent three days convincing you that the rumor wasn't true while all the time wondering why I just couldn't tell you that it was.
2008-02-26 14:40:56 / Rating: 277.25 /
Trillian
Sex did very little to change my perception of sex.
2008-02-26 14:40:25 / Rating: 383 /
tofargone
I am going to look at this in a week when its posted and not realize I wrote it.
2008-02-25 21:27:40 / Rating: 296.25 /
Jaruso
Sitting at my desk I think of the days before the minivan and can almost smell the beer drenched microphone.
2008-02-25 21:26:46 / Rating: 284.75 /
Charlotte
I still hate it that mom did not take me seriously until I was on antidepressants.
2008-02-25 21:25:58 / Rating: 248.5 /
Confused Girl
After sending angry emails to my cutter friends about their pettiness, I feel slightly responible.
2008-02-25 21:25:20 / Rating: 134.25 /
KRose
As I took off my shirt for him to tattoo "Bite Me, Please!" on my back, he said "I can see why."
2008-02-25 21:23:42 / Rating: 241.5 /
Definition
I don't know if it qualified as rape, but I know it was wrong.
2008-02-25 21:21:58 / Rating: 404.75 /
wanderlost
I knew my step-son had been overly sheltered when he told me a character from Guitar Hero III was the "black version of Jimi Hendrix."
2008-02-22 16:11:21 / Rating: 484 /
James A. Calwell III
Just how does a package shipped from New Jersey to Virginia end up in Jacksonville, Florida in transit anyway?
2008-02-22 16:10:29 / Rating: 284.5 /
Creeped
My roommate's stalker is creepy.
2008-02-22 16:10:19 / Rating: 256.25 /
Interrupted
He wanted to continue our morning romp, but our new kittens were sitting on the bed and they looked like a couple of dashboard bobble head ornaments watching us and he couldn't stop laughing.
2008-02-22 16:09:48 / Rating: 460.75 /
LNO
It was only after I shattered the chocolate heart that I wondered if allegories worked outside of literary works.
2008-02-22 16:09:16 / Rating: 407.5 /
Heather Rose
My biggest fear is that she will grow up and wish that I had gone through with the adoption.
2008-02-22 16:08:04 / Rating: 323.25 /
Laura
She starved herself, and hurt herself, and now she's dead and all I can think is, "She never even got to have a first real kiss".
2008-02-22 14:59:09 / Rating: 384.5 /
Tad Shackles
I have always been smarter and stronger than my younger brother, but when he told me he had a baby on the way I felt very weak and dumb.
2008-02-22 14:58:44 / Rating: 226.25 /
Mr. Nudie Pants
As my "private parts" felt the simultaneous warmth of the sun and coolnes of the spring breeze, I realized what I'd known all along: the nude beach is where I was born to live.
2008-02-22 14:58:19 / Rating: 277.25 /
jfirth
Thirty seconds before vomiting, the room spinning, vision cloudy, I recited the alphabet backwards and thought, "Well, I'm not drunk yet."
2008-02-20 16:25:47 / Rating: 417.5 /
jfirth
The day my daughter was born, I walked around all day smelling her on my hands and falling in love with her more every time.
2008-02-20 16:25:28 / Rating: 393.25 /
The Guest
Lying there on the extremely firm mattress drove home the point that one should try out their guest bed before inviting guests over.
2008-02-20 16:25:05 / Rating: 165.25 /
Seventeen Going On Eighteen
The night I realized I was jealous of a twelve-year-old was the night I decided I needed to leave for college more than ever.
2008-02-20 16:24:54 / Rating: 244.25 /
Petra
I alternate between hating the administrator of this damn site and compassionately wondering if he just needs an assistant.
2008-02-20 16:24:38 / Rating: 268 /
Franca
I was 3 and then I was 10 and now I'm 19 and more lost than I ever imagined I could be.
2008-02-20 16:23:38 / Rating: 323.25 /
Jo
About the dumbest thing you can say about an embalmed body at a funeral is that they "look good," but that is what everyone kept saying.
2008-02-20 16:22:18 / Rating: 339.5 /
Steph
Up until two days ago, I thought Ernest Hemingway was a large, black man.
2008-02-20 12:52:47 / Rating: 265 /
Naive
My father died when I was six and the day after, I wrote in my diary that I was feeling better.
2008-02-20 12:52:10 / Rating: 369 /
her firstborn
It was better to have 23 years with a wonderful mom than 53 years with a lousy one.
2008-02-20 12:51:36 / Rating: 318.5 /
Optimistic Facade
I couldn't tear my eyes away from the chair, still warm, as they carted your body away.
2008-02-20 12:51:10 / Rating: 327.25 /
Ben
Seven months after she ruined my life, her name is still in all of my passwords.
2008-02-20 12:50:12 / Rating: 560.25 /
trolll311
Thank God there are no slot machines in the Las Vegas Public Library.
2008-02-20 12:49:53 / Rating: 192 /
Carley
I blamed her tears on her age, but really I wanted to join her.
2008-02-20 12:49:06 / Rating: 187.75 /
HoustonReceptionist
I tried to say "nice to meet you" to the President of my company, but could only get a muffled word out before I choked on my half-chewed-but-not-quite-swallowed animal crackers dipped in peanut butter.
2008-02-20 12:48:48 / Rating: 357.5 /
Kath
I lost fifty pounds and I haven't disappeared enough yet.
2008-02-19 12:58:38 / Rating: 248.75 /
Nooks
I was sure my face was going into the toilet, but then he caught me and my heart at the same time.
2008-02-19 12:57:52 / Rating: 225.25 /
Sadly So
I realized suddenly as the music started, that I had never seen my mother dance.
2008-02-13 13:19:15 / Rating: 394.75 /
Wendy
I slammed my body into the hood of my truck on the night you died and the dent is still there.
2008-02-13 13:18:54 / Rating: 537.25 /
L.Mead
Everytime I tripped when I was younger I used to think my feet were plotting against me and my hands were my only true friends.
2008-02-13 13:18:41 / Rating: 639.75 /
LeLou
When I saw him escort her out of his house at 8am, still in bar clothes, I realized he could never be the kind of man I want in life.
2008-02-13 13:18:10 / Rating: 274.5 /
DakotaGirl
He doesn't have a clue I've marked the bath towels so I never use "his" to dry my private parts.
2008-02-13 13:16:40 / Rating: 168 /
Tired of...
I'm really getting tired of the predictive text on my mobile phone thinking I actually want to use the word "Duck."
2008-02-13 13:10:38 / Rating: 659.75 /
SJ
I told my husband I wanted a new, simple wedding band because the 1.3c diamond I wear is not a symbol of our love but of my greed.
2008-02-13 13:09:31 / Rating: 1686.5 /
Family Girl
Over the last month, the cold reality of life has struck since one uncle died, another uncle had a stroke, my mother found out she has breast cancer and my grandmother is on her way to an assisted living facility.
2008-02-13 13:09:19 / Rating: 300 /
Beth
Instead of him they sent back a folded flag, and when I was alone I tore it to pieces.
2008-02-13 13:08:48 / Rating: 2415.5 /
Erzulie
I've had a crush on him for nine years and last night he finally kissed me.
2008-02-13 13:07:43 / Rating: 540.5 /
Oops
As I put away my birth certificate that was returned with my new passport, I found the passport I thought I lost.
2008-02-13 13:07:17 / Rating: 268.5 /
KPM
I saw two monks bowling in Seoul.
2008-02-12 12:38:09 / Rating: 261.25 /
shiksa
As I opened the hotel room door to go meet him in the lobby, I knew that at that precise moment I was about to ruin my marriage.
2008-02-12 12:36:13 / Rating: 388 /
Just Me
After several hours of pondering and countless rough drafts, I waited until my young son was abed, plunked down my credit card to join the online dating site, and sent a painstakingly crafted email to that guy with the amazing profile.
2008-02-12 12:35:13 / Rating: 271.75 /
...!
I told him I have no problem with him seeing me naked, but a bathing suit is a different story.
2008-02-12 12:33:53 / Rating: 489.5 /
your friendly host
I sincerely hope whoever spat that gigantic loogie in their to-go box and left it on table #14 for my hand to stumble upon falls into a fiery pit of aborted pig fetuses.
2008-02-11 17:14:37 / Rating: 273.5 /
Cam
As a kid dripping in mud, I couldn't see why bringing four frogs home in a zip lock bag was bad idea.
2008-02-11 16:54:22 / Rating: 297.75 /
Cowboy
I waited for him to hit me, instead he replied, "She'll probably cheat on you too."
2008-02-11 16:53:16 / Rating: 1455.5 /
Aaron B
You'd think that the yogurt with the blue lid was blueberry, but that is apparently not the case.
2008-02-11 16:52:09 / Rating: 270.25 /
Bear
The Brazilian exchange student has now learned enough English to thoroughly cuss me out when I beat him at basketball.
2008-02-08 17:03:31 / Rating: 333.5 /
ETGPressInc
"Goodbye sex" only reopens old wounds.
2008-02-08 16:50:49 / Rating: 338.75 /
Icki
She meant to say "You crack me up," but the words escaped as "You creep me out."
2008-02-08 16:50:28 / Rating: 305.75 /
Wolfgang DelaSangre
The best hug I ever got was just before I found out one of my friends was dead.
2008-02-08 16:50:09 / Rating: 324 /
busy day, today
I finally realized that high school was over (a year later), when I couldn't figure out how to re-fold a note I found.
2008-02-08 16:49:57 / Rating: 334.5 /
She's the One
To her it was just a drunk game of Spin the Bottle, but for me it was the kiss I had been waiting for.
2008-02-08 16:44:29 / Rating: 470.25 /
Hours away from people that love me
With all the tags for "college" I finally feel connected to my age group.
2008-02-06 13:37:15 / Rating: 275.25 /
Amelia Larson
I found it cruel that they neither supply pillows nor offer massages in jail.
2008-02-06 13:36:30 / Rating: 208.5 /
Laura
I said "Hi, I'm your mum" which made him cry so hard, I immediately apologised.
2008-02-06 13:35:58 / Rating: 413.75 /
spiritual hypocrite
I rejected Christianity only to acquire the belief that Mars gives a damn about me.
2008-02-06 13:34:41 / Rating: 210.75 /
Ella
We started calling our new neighbor Blackbeard when he installed an actual cannon in his front yard.
2008-02-06 13:34:29 / Rating: 236.75 /
Jackson
Our hug may have only lasted for ten seconds, but my smile has lasted for weeks.
2008-02-06 13:33:17 / Rating: 433.5 /
Trouble
She said that the scrunchie that I took out of my work bag was not hers.
2008-02-06 13:32:55 / Rating: 264.25 /
spacegirl
I offered him some water, and instead of answering, he told me my refrigerator smelled bad.
2008-02-05 10:42:07 / Rating: 199.5 /
Phil
The night I became an uncle I learned to ride a unicycle.
2008-02-05 10:41:59 / Rating: 277.25 /
Ryan
I seem to be the only person that actually didn't go to school on what I thought was a senior cut day.
2008-02-05 10:39:34 / Rating: 218 /
Tammii
Because it's difficult for me to bend, I cleaned the base of the shower with a pot scrubber tied to the bottom of my walking stick
2008-02-05 10:38:05 / Rating: 265 /
Tag
I gave my mother mono because I secretly drank out of the cartoon of orange juice and put it back in the fridge.
2008-02-05 10:36:16 / Rating: 298.5 /
Cat Lover
When I looked in the cot and saw you both snuggled up together in a perfect cuddle, I realised that the bloody cat had been tolerating me until you were born.
2008-02-05 10:35:37 / Rating: 427.75 /
Weekends?
This is the second time I have confused Sunday with Saturday.
2008-02-04 11:39:48 / Rating: 212.25 /
Nick P.
I was completely shocked and embarrassed when my dentist told me she read about my painful experience and negative review of my last root canal on my blog.
2008-02-04 11:39:20 / Rating: 292.75 /
blueberry fist
My roommate keeps using my towels, so I am slowly depleting her rice.
2008-02-04 11:38:50 / Rating: 158.75 /
Dante
My kitty discovered gravity with the help of a 2nd story window.
2008-02-04 11:38:11 / Rating: 153.75 /
Silly
Though I glared at her when she took my phone from me, I now see she was merely insuring I wouldn't call someone and make myself seem like a giggly drunken idiot.
2008-02-04 11:37:26 / Rating: 376.5 /
Ella
I knew the trip to Dublin wasn't going to turn out as planned when my best friend woke me up in the middle of the night to ask me if the rugby player on the other side of our hostel room was dead.
2008-02-04 11:36:32 / Rating: 221.75 /