jekylandhydeinone
Part of me wants help, but that part is so small the only thing I'm willing to do is be anonymously cryptic on a website none of my family visits.
2008-04-30 15:03:45 / Rating: 173.25 / 
Story archives - April 2008
COD
The bluebird nest box that contained one egg, two baby birds, and one female bluebird this morning now stands empty as the male bluebird chirps, and chirps, and chirps some more as he seeks a new mate to start over with.
2008-04-30 15:02:55 / Rating: 76.5 /
kt
The most romantic moment of my life ended with the word "boner."
2008-04-30 14:52:26 / Rating: 212 /
Noodles
As we left the four star hotel, we hoped we wouldn't be charged for the Cheez Wiz residue on the mirror.
2008-04-30 14:49:58 / Rating: 83.5 /
Lock
I'm dropping out of the 11th grade tomorrow.
2008-04-30 14:49:30 / Rating: 61.75 /
Burned
Maybe if I hadn't gone downstairs, they would have changed their minds and stayed married.
2008-04-30 14:47:58 / Rating: 92.5 /
Jenni
I never imagined that the first person to call me a "f***ing cunt" would be my husband.
2008-04-30 14:45:31 / Rating: 116.75 /
gypsy
In China, they said we couldn't plays cards in the lobby, so we played with candy wrappers instead till the ones with candy still in them won.
2008-04-30 14:44:50 / Rating: 57.25 /
KelleyK
Fully knowing I've been battling anorexia/bulimia for 10 years now, my roommate (and best female friend) doesn't feel the need to refrain from telling me how skinny and perfect she views herself to be.
2008-04-30 14:41:03 / Rating: 73.75 /
m
My mother forgot to wash the pans between courses, resulting in cherry pie that tasted vaguely of fish, but it was still the best birthday ever.
2008-04-29 12:11:37 / Rating: 127.25 /
Lock
I'm the high school dropout with purple hair, yet I'm the only one out of my group of friends with a job.
2008-04-29 12:11:07 / Rating: 85 /
kaesrel
He sat down next to me in the second row and taught me how to play Go in Latin class.
2008-04-28 12:19:11 / Rating: 82.25 /
C'est vrai
We felt bad laughing about the legally blind Bosnian passed out drunk in a pool of his own vomit on the tile near the toilet, but it sure did make one hell of a story.
2008-04-28 12:17:51 / Rating: 113.75 /
Cupcake
I remember distinctly the last time my daddy told me he was proud of me, because I think that's the last time I'm ever going to hear it.
2008-04-28 12:16:49 / Rating: 111.75 /
Tony
Spending New Years Day in a 6' x 9' cell made me realize that the stretch of tunnel between Clybourn and Clark is no place for an "adventure," and a flute of champagne is no friend to half a fifth of gin.
2008-04-28 12:15:30 / Rating: 64.75 /
outofwork
I was the only one at the company who genuinely liked the woman who laid me off, and I think she's about to find that out.
2008-04-28 12:12:48 / Rating: 84.25 /
futura yellow
She hung herself with the purse I gave her for Christmas.
2008-04-28 12:11:33 / Rating: 205.25 /
not so scared anymore
I haven't seen my abusive brother since I was 10 and he just found me on myspace.
2008-04-28 10:51:33 / Rating: 106.25 /
Rate
While driving home and contemplating what my father said to me, I realized how terrified I am by the idea of doing anything for 30 years.
2008-04-28 10:49:52 / Rating: 87.25 /
Perplexious
I used to think a futon was a cross between a crouton and a wonton, and would always get weird looks from the waitstaff when I'd try to order one at an Asian restaurant.
2008-04-28 10:27:35 / Rating: 171.5 /
phobia
It struck me that the two of you looked so similar and I wondered if all homophobes looked the same.
2008-04-28 09:54:22 / Rating: 54.75 /
Facebook informed me that I'm not actually as important to my best friend as I thought.
2008-04-25 13:57:33 / Rating: 228 /
yesmistress
The only special thing I did for Earth Day was bury my cat in the back yard.
2008-04-25 11:18:17 / Rating: 75 /
beti
So I can tell you that having a baby in hot water is way less painful than taking a math test with a hangover.
2008-04-25 11:18:07 / Rating: 71.75 /
Chad
Today I've identified 15 objects on my desk that could kill a person.
2008-04-25 10:37:37 / Rating: 212.75 /
Dormouse
I'm still with the boy that threw the condom out the window.
2008-04-25 10:36:37 / Rating: 68.5 /
Nomad
Realizing after 26 years that I am handsome, I decided that I'd trade everything to possess good virtues.
2008-04-25 10:28:28 / Rating: 54.75 /
Squeaky Clean
I got tested for STDs and had my ears cleaned today.
2008-04-25 10:25:08 / Rating: 68.5 /
LNO
Today my mother sent me a list of 25 ways I can improve myself.
2008-04-25 10:24:16 / Rating: 69.5 /
Interviewee
1 hour and 45 minutes, a talkative bald man, a crack-head with a faxing issue, and 13 color copies later, I am still hours away from ready for tomorrow.
2008-04-25 10:22:44 / Rating: 65 /
iSaac
As a 31-year-old white male in 2008, I finally grasp the political truth in that Public Enemy cassette I rocked in 1992.
2008-04-25 10:22:16 / Rating: 100 /
January
I'm so proud of my public urination ticket, I hung it on my wall.
2008-04-23 14:57:02 / Rating: 160 /
espo
He sent me flowers on my eighteenth birthday with a note that said "Glad you're legal."
2008-04-23 14:56:56 / Rating: 157.75 /
Emily
My current boyfriend saved me from being raped by my old boyfriend and he doesn't even know it.
2008-04-23 14:55:52 / Rating: 147.5 /
CRACK
When they left me alone with your body, my fist came down so hard I heard your ribs crack.
2008-04-23 14:55:16 / Rating: 170.5 /
m
I walked into the bathroom, saw the large spider in the tub, and decided a shower could wait.
2008-04-23 14:54:29 / Rating: 97 /
Dusty
My parents believed that black and white people were equal until I started dating a black man.
2008-04-23 14:54:12 / Rating: 210.5 /
Cade
My boyfriend wont go to my senior prom with me.
2008-04-23 14:53:03 / Rating: 70.75 /
Bret
I knew by the expression on the doctor's face what it said on the clipboard before he opened his mouth.
2008-04-23 14:52:57 / Rating: 85.25 /
Oh Me
While he is in Alaska living an adventure, I am here, missing my father.
2008-04-22 12:14:09 / Rating: 86.5 /
Anselmus
After a month of data entry work involving the customers of a Polish bank, I had to replace the 'c', 'w' and 'z' keys on my keyboard.
2008-04-22 12:12:46 / Rating: 146.75 /
Out Of It
As I sat in the waiting room, calling relatives about our brand new daughter, I heard "Code blue, maternity ward, recovery room" announced over the PA system.
2008-04-22 12:12:16 / Rating: 140.75 /
Wendell
After a few months in Mongolia, I quit worrying about always having a horse hair in my bowl of fermented mare's milk.
2008-04-22 12:10:55 / Rating: 74.25 /
Surprised
It was clear when he gave me his dog tag that it wasn't just about sex anymore.
2008-04-22 12:10:02 / Rating: 86.5 /
jazmen8
Now that I am raising my own children, it is even harder to understand my father's decision to opt out.
2008-04-22 12:09:39 / Rating: 81.5 /
Anthraxus
"Why don't you ever get anything done around here?" she asked me after I spent two hours watching her watch TV and play on her computer, while I did the taxes and fetched her drinks, cigarettes, and snacks.
2008-04-22 12:06:45 / Rating: 74.5 /
lassoprecise
In order to feel as if he had some sort of control over his cancer, my father would search the streets for a dollar in change before each chemo session.
2008-04-21 13:59:16 / Rating: 141 /
Johnson
As I gave him the last 35 cents in my pocket, I realized that the homeless man was now wealthier than I was.
2008-04-21 13:56:50 / Rating: 148.75 /
Lethe
After one friend told me I'd get pneumonia and the other two decided on hypothermia, I did it out of spite.
2008-04-21 13:56:43 / Rating: 66.25 /
BusyBee
In January we got married, in February we bought a house, in March we took in a 14-year-old boy, and in May I'll turn 22.
2008-04-21 13:55:55 / Rating: 193.5 /
Joy
I hate the jerk who left the Post-It note on my door saying: "Your boyfriend called, he wants to break-up."
2008-04-18 10:20:05 / Rating: 158 /
Larissa
It took me two years to realize that I'd sacrificed way too much to keep him happy, and I can't believe what finally sent me over the edge was him telling me "I think I'm a werewolf."
2008-04-18 10:19:15 / Rating: 220.25 /
rollergirl
My 86-year-old grandmother told me she'd always wanted to "blaze up a fat one."
2008-04-18 10:17:03 / Rating: 291.75 /
Observer
His parents are as gothic as they come but he is a smiling, blonde haired kid with rosy red cheeks and happy blue eyes.
2008-04-18 10:16:18 / Rating: 103 /
Douglas Keech
Finishing months of backed up work in a week didn't convince my English teacher that I should go on the field trip and my time would be better spent in the ISS room crying in front of bullies.
2008-04-17 18:10:07 / Rating: 78 /
LNO
As I put my backpack on, preparing to leave the bus, it tripped the emergency exit and it's very loud alarm signaling the start of another day of high school.
2008-04-17 18:08:37 / Rating: 54.5 /
Jess
The jerk gave me mono then dumped me.
2008-04-17 18:08:24 / Rating: 75 /
m
When I giggled at a particularly witty sentence, my professor realized I was not listening to his lecture on solid rocket boosters.
2008-04-17 18:06:14 / Rating: 83.5 /
CVJX
A few months ago I just realized that made an idiot out of my self by saying, "Who said that?" to a person right beside me after he insulted me.
2008-04-15 23:04:45 / Rating: 52 /
AmericanGirl
When I woke up late one Saturday morning in a hotel room in Jerusalem with an Israeli soldier next to me, I knew I was finally living the dream.
2008-04-15 23:02:31 / Rating: 109.25 /
Principessa
Being "friends" with an ex on Facebook is just as bad an idea as being friends with an ex in "real life."
2008-04-15 22:59:36 / Rating: 132 /
Lola
In response to how her Spring Break was: "Well, we were jumped by hookers."
2008-04-15 22:59:05 / Rating: 109.25 /
Sleepwalker
Because he killed himself, I was able to fall in love.
2008-04-15 22:56:36 / Rating: 100.5 /
No credit, please
The support of the third grade class was striking, as the second grade's "Tinkerbell" died in silence.
2008-04-15 10:16:44 / Rating: 73.75 /
Emms
We had a bomb threat and an unrelated code red lockdown on the same day, five days before the anniversary of the VT massacre and nine days before the anniversary of Columbine.
2008-04-15 10:15:49 / Rating: 55.5 /
overrock
Only then did I realize how much I had when she told her daughter they lost everything in the fire.
2008-04-15 10:15:26 / Rating: 89.75 /
Dylan
As I was washing my hands I noticed the lack of urinals along the wall and realized I had made this mistake twice in the same day.
2008-04-15 10:06:10 / Rating: 263 /
OminousGasPains
When I wrenched my back unpacking the massage table, her anniversary gift suddenly became "ours."
2008-04-15 10:05:44 / Rating: 94 /
bogo
econ 4405: Because no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I can pass the exam, I can't learn it all in less than nine hours.
2008-04-15 10:04:58 / Rating: 83.75 /
Greg
I always said I hated this city and now that I'm leaving, I'm trying to taste the air for the first time.
2008-04-15 10:04:20 / Rating: 100 /
Jamie
How many times did she have to be told: you don't leave a five-month-old alone in the bathtub?
2008-04-10 15:47:02 / Rating: 171.5 /
Kari Pfirman
As I was going down the Slip-n-Slide I heard a crack and felt an unbearable pain!
2008-04-10 15:45:36 / Rating: 53.75 /
gfgmom
She always sends her kindergarden child to a seven and a half hour school day with only 5 chocolate chip cookies as his whole lunch.
2008-04-10 15:45:17 / Rating: 116.5 /
Broke
I've spent $12,300 in attorney fees so far and I still don't know if I'll be able to keep him out of the house.
2008-04-10 15:43:08 / Rating: -537 /
Gou Tongzhi
Being mocked incessantly, every day, by your peers from the age of seven or so to the age of sixteen, changes you into the kind of person who can't muster up the courage to call a girl who might be willing to go out with you.
2008-04-10 15:40:52 / Rating: 204.75 /
Mark
At four, Sam ordered his first hamburger, and when the waitress asked, "Certainly, sir, medium?" replied indignantly, "No, large!"
2008-04-10 15:40:07 / Rating: 360.25 /
sorry about that
Funny how I considered Mom the weak parent, but he's the one who killed himself.
2008-04-10 14:58:13 / Rating: 103.75 /
ferdinandthebull
This morning, when my mom wasn't looking, I saw her put birth control in my sisters orange juice.
2008-04-10 14:57:33 / Rating: 164.25 /
Owned
As I tried to get up from the sofa, my still-sleeping baby girl rolled over, grabbed my shirt with both tiny hands, and would not let go.
2008-04-10 14:56:53 / Rating: 174.5 /
Cinnamon Stillwater
I don't know if it was the alcohol, the darkness or the rush to put my clothing back on that made me fall onto the cactus.
2008-04-10 14:56:44 / Rating: 169.75 /
Mark
Over two months later and I still can't bring myself to delete his name from my phone
2008-04-08 17:04:35 / Rating: 212 /
Kelly Braden
I asked my local newspaper to discontinue littering their typo filled publication on my doorstep, having cancelled my subscription last week.
2008-04-08 17:02:24 / Rating: 71.25 /
Flood
I've been watching all the movies you wanted me to see when we were together.
2008-04-08 17:01:58 / Rating: 180.5 /
Katiw
My ex-girlfriend is engaged to my boyfriend's twin brother.
2008-04-08 17:00:10 / Rating: 102.25 /
Waitress
I got a job at that restaurant you pointed out to me months ago, hoping that one day you'll walk in without her.
2008-04-08 16:59:59 / Rating: 96.5 /
AM
The first day I walked into six grade was the last day I was optimistic.
2008-04-08 16:54:25 / Rating: 144.75 /
LNO
I thought my friends were individuals until I saw the merchandise sold at Hot Topic.
2008-04-08 16:54:04 / Rating: 126.75 /
English Major
They laughed and said I would only end up working at a coffee shop, and because they did, I've accomplished so much more.
2008-04-08 16:51:58 / Rating: 77.25 /
future lawyer
My mom called me up in tears this morning because she didn't want me to buy a stolen television.
2008-04-08 16:48:23 / Rating: 44 /
ferdinandthebull
When I was 5 or so my mom would tell me to lie down before she tied my tie and I just now realized at the age of 19 that she did this because she's a funeral director.
2008-04-08 16:46:37 / Rating: 1659 /
maggie
I wrote "thank you" notes to everyone who had attended the funeral as if it had been a baby shower.
2008-04-07 14:32:41 / Rating: 105.5 /
The G-Man
I stared at my best friend through his newly-broken windshield and was convinced it was his fault that I threw the shovel.
2008-04-07 14:32:29 / Rating: 88.5 /
notabirthdayfan
This year, on my birthday, I will eat alone at the restaurant where I spent my happiest birthday which eventually turned into the birthday which made me despise birthdays.
2008-04-07 14:31:29 / Rating: 103.5 /
Iguess
Alone in a cheap hotel room at 2am, I realized I'd never felt more at home.
2008-04-07 14:31:00 / Rating: 93.25 /
Andy M
The manager gave me a free pass to come back, but after 14 stitches I decided that ice skating wasn't for me.
2008-04-07 14:29:23 / Rating: 89 /
ecs
His suicide killed me, too.
2008-04-07 14:29:13 / Rating: 175 /
Angie
My sheltered, religious friend was crushed when she discovered that her family's "Christmas smell" -- the special aroma that she had only ever smelled on Christmas morning -- was, in fact, pot.
2008-04-07 14:23:05 / Rating: 322 /
Stephanie E.
I went to the emergency room and was diagnosed with a headache.
2008-04-07 14:21:43 / Rating: 89.75 /
No, I'm not pregnant
It was when I brought my selected books to the library check-out counter and the librarian looked at me funny that I started to reconsider my reasearch paper topic on abortion.
2008-04-07 14:20:57 / Rating: 90.25 /
Mac
I realized I was getting old when I referred to something that happenend two years ago by "the other day."
2008-04-04 14:28:05 / Rating: 146 /
Betsy Friday Prouty
The elephant that lived in my parent's living room has moved to my house.
2008-04-04 14:27:01 / Rating: 137.25 /
liz
You looked so much like my ex-boyfriend that when I overheard you talking about being vegan I had to stop myself from turning around and reminding you how much you love red meat.
2008-04-04 14:25:04 / Rating: 75.5 /
lebasi
As I got ready for my annual physical, I came to the realization that my gynecologist was about to see my boyfriend's name shaved in my pubic hair.
2008-04-04 14:24:49 / Rating: 218.25 /
JoJo
As soon as he said "Be careful," I fell down the stairs, breaking both the typewriter and my finger.
2008-04-02 15:23:21 / Rating: 117 /
roadtripryan
As I rummaged through the cereal box sleepy eyed this morning, a bit of sadness came over me when I remembered adult cereals don't contain prizes.
2008-04-02 15:22:52 / Rating: 238.5 /
Juju
I took down all the pictures of her when she was just a little girl because I can no long bear comparing them to what she has become.
2008-04-02 15:18:52 / Rating: 113.25 /
In Love
I think my mom would be surprised to hear that my boyfriend of almost 1 year and I haven't had sex yet, even though we've slept in the same bed many times.
2008-04-02 13:54:30 / Rating: 143.25 /
Adam
25 stitches later, I realized my biggest mistake wasn't jumping off the roof but grabbing the gutter on my way down
2008-04-02 13:53:32 / Rating: 124.5 /
Jessica
I was six when I woke up next to my grandma to find that she had died in her sleep.
2008-04-02 13:50:04 / Rating: 126.75 /
Hipster
If you've never seen your friend's baby girl wave goodbye to her daddy as his casket leaves the funeral, I want to be you.
2008-04-02 13:49:34 / Rating: 322.5 /
Poppy
As he watched them make his hamburger from the counter, my four year old announced loudly that he was no longer interested in being an astronaut when he grew up but would prefer to have a job at McDonalds.
2008-04-01 12:10:56 / Rating: 227.75 /
espo
I'm ninety-six pounds and my boyfriend won't let me eat cake.
2008-04-01 12:10:38 / Rating: 205.25 /
Original
It was a little weird to find out after we reunited that his ex-wife resembled me, but it was weirder to find out that my ex-husband and her are now dating.
2008-04-01 12:10:28 / Rating: 110.25 /