Story archives - April 2008


Part of me wants help, but that part is so small the only thing I'm willing to do is be anonymously cryptic on a website none of my family visits.

tags: help disorder hurt [add]

2008-04-30 15:03:45 / Rating: 587.5 /


The bluebird nest box that contained one egg, two baby birds, and one female bluebird this morning now stands empty as the male bluebird chirps, and chirps, and chirps some more as he seeks a new mate to start over with.

tags: death wildlife [add]

2008-04-30 15:02:55 / Rating: 500 /


The most romantic moment of my life ended with the word "boner."

tags: love humor kiss romance [add]

2008-04-30 14:52:26 / Rating: 857 /


As we left the four star hotel, we hoped we wouldn't be charged for the Cheez Wiz residue on the mirror.

tags: food fight cheez wiz hotel middle school trip [add]

2008-04-30 14:49:58 / Rating: 370 /


I'm dropping out of the 11th grade tomorrow.

tags: it happened so fast [add]

2008-04-30 14:49:30 / Rating: 205.75 /


Maybe if I hadn't gone downstairs, they would have changed their minds and stayed married.

tags: divorce [add]

2008-04-30 14:47:58 / Rating: 398.5 /


I never imagined that the first person to call me a "f***ing cunt" would be my husband.

tags: verbal abuse [add]

2008-04-30 14:45:31 / Rating: 328.5 /


In China, they said we couldn't plays cards in the lobby, so we played with candy wrappers instead till the ones with candy still in them won.

tags: China cards gambling family [add]

2008-04-30 14:44:50 / Rating: 509.75 /


Fully knowing I've been battling anorexia/bulimia for 10 years now, my roommate (and best female friend) doesn't feel the need to refrain from telling me how skinny and perfect she views herself to be.

tags: anorexia roommate [add]

2008-04-30 14:41:03 / Rating: 407.25 /


My mother forgot to wash the pans between courses, resulting in cherry pie that tasted vaguely of fish, but it was still the best birthday ever.

tags: humor childhood fish mother [add]

2008-04-29 12:11:37 / Rating: 699.25 /


I'm the high school dropout with purple hair, yet I'm the only one out of my group of friends with a job.

tags: irony [add]

2008-04-29 12:11:07 / Rating: 484 /


He sat down next to me in the second row and taught me how to play Go in Latin class.

tags: love class games [add]

2008-04-28 12:19:11 / Rating: 561.25 /

C'est vrai

We felt bad laughing about the legally blind Bosnian passed out drunk in a pool of his own vomit on the tile near the toilet, but it sure did make one hell of a story.

tags: college drunk roommates [add]

2008-04-28 12:17:51 / Rating: 582 /


I remember distinctly the last time my daddy told me he was proud of me, because I think that's the last time I'm ever going to hear it.

tags: father pride memory [add]

2008-04-28 12:16:49 / Rating: 628.5 /


Spending New Years Day in a 6' x 9' cell made me realize that the stretch of tunnel between Clybourn and Clark is no place for an "adventure," and a flute of champagne is no friend to half a fifth of gin.

tags: jail liquor adventure [add]

2008-04-28 12:15:30 / Rating: 373 /


I was the only one at the company who genuinely liked the woman who laid me off, and I think she's about to find that out.

tags: unemployment [add]

2008-04-28 12:12:48 / Rating: 327.5 /

futura yellow

She hung herself with the purse I gave her for Christmas.

tags: suicide guilt loss forgiveness closet best friend [add]

2008-04-28 12:11:33 / Rating: 932.75 /

not so scared anymore

I haven't seen my abusive brother since I was 10 and he just found me on myspace.

tags: childhood fear myspace abuse perseverance [add]

2008-04-28 10:51:33 / Rating: 722.5 /


While driving home and contemplating what my father said to me, I realized how terrified I am by the idea of doing anything for 30 years.

tags: father job life terrified [add]

2008-04-28 10:49:52 / Rating: 601 /


I used to think a futon was a cross between a crouton and a wonton, and would always get weird looks from the waitstaff when I'd try to order one at an Asian restaurant.

tags: humor dining food [add]

2008-04-28 10:27:35 / Rating: 672 /


It struck me that the two of you looked so similar and I wondered if all homophobes looked the same.

tags: moms homophobia [add]

2008-04-28 09:54:22 / Rating: 423.25 /

Facebook informed me that I'm not actually as important to my best friend as I thought.

tags: facebook friend [add]

2008-04-25 13:57:33 / Rating: 672.75 /


The only special thing I did for Earth Day was bury my cat in the back yard.

tags: earth day cats death [add]

2008-04-25 11:18:17 / Rating: 556.5 /


So I can tell you that having a baby in hot water is way less painful than taking a math test with a hangover.

tags: water birth [add]

2008-04-25 11:18:07 / Rating: 249.5 /


Today I've identified 15 objects on my desk that could kill a person.

tags: work murder frustration [add]

2008-04-25 10:37:37 / Rating: 814 /


I'm still with the boy that threw the condom out the window.

tags: condom window littering pollution true love [add]

2008-04-25 10:36:37 / Rating: 407.5 /


Realizing after 26 years that I am handsome, I decided that I'd trade everything to possess good virtues.

tags: virtues looks handsome [add]

2008-04-25 10:28:28 / Rating: 210.75 /

Squeaky Clean

I got tested for STDs and had my ears cleaned today.

tags: doctor humor random [add]

2008-04-25 10:25:08 / Rating: 524 /


Today my mother sent me a list of 25 ways I can improve myself.

tags: parents self help unwanted advice [add]

2008-04-25 10:24:16 / Rating: 382.25 /


1 hour and 45 minutes, a talkative bald man, a crack-head with a faxing issue, and 13 color copies later, I am still hours away from ready for tomorrow.

tags: interview resume irony humor [add]

2008-04-25 10:22:44 / Rating: 530.5 /


As a 31-year-old white male in 2008, I finally grasp the political truth in that Public Enemy cassette I rocked in 1992.

tags: politics society truth hip-hop Public Enemy music [add]

2008-04-25 10:22:16 / Rating: 623.25 /


I'm so proud of my public urination ticket, I hung it on my wall.

tags: urination tickets pride decorating [add]

2008-04-23 14:57:02 / Rating: 538.75 /


He sent me flowers on my eighteenth birthday with a note that said "Glad you're legal."

tags: birthday flowers legal [add]

2008-04-23 14:56:56 / Rating: 597.25 /


My current boyfriend saved me from being raped by my old boyfriend and he doesn't even know it.

tags: rape boyfriend [add]

2008-04-23 14:55:52 / Rating: 644.75 /


When they left me alone with your body, my fist came down so hard I heard your ribs crack.

tags: grief loss [add]

2008-04-23 14:55:16 / Rating: 762.75 /


I walked into the bathroom, saw the large spider in the tub, and decided a shower could wait.

tags: arachniphobia spiders shower dirty [add]

2008-04-23 14:54:29 / Rating: 422.5 /


My parents believed that black and white people were equal until I started dating a black man.

tags: ironic sad [add]

2008-04-23 14:54:12 / Rating: 729.5 /


My boyfriend wont go to my senior prom with me.

tags: boyfriend prom senior [add]

2008-04-23 14:53:03 / Rating: 413 /


I knew by the expression on the doctor's face what it said on the clipboard before he opened his mouth.

tags: illness doctor imminent death [add]

2008-04-23 14:52:57 / Rating: 443.25 /

Oh Me

While he is in Alaska living an adventure, I am here, missing my father.

tags: forgotten father sad [add]

2008-04-22 12:14:09 / Rating: 560.5 /


After a month of data entry work involving the customers of a Polish bank, I had to replace the 'c', 'w' and 'z' keys on my keyboard.

tags: Polish keyboards data entry [add]

2008-04-22 12:12:46 / Rating: 421.5 /

Out Of It

As I sat in the waiting room, calling relatives about our brand new daughter, I heard "Code blue, maternity ward, recovery room" announced over the PA system.

tags: wife baby emergency [add]

2008-04-22 12:12:16 / Rating: 539 /


After a few months in Mongolia, I quit worrying about always having a horse hair in my bowl of fermented mare's milk.

tags: travel [add]

2008-04-22 12:10:55 / Rating: 399.25 /


It was clear when he gave me his dog tag that it wasn't just about sex anymore.

tags: epiphany love affair [add]

2008-04-22 12:10:02 / Rating: 600.5 /


Now that I am raising my own children, it is even harder to understand my father's decision to opt out.

tags: childhood abandonment [add]

2008-04-22 12:09:39 / Rating: 552.25 /


"Why don't you ever get anything done around here?" she asked me after I spent two hours watching her watch TV and play on her computer, while I did the taxes and fetched her drinks, cigarettes, and snacks.

tags: love doormat irritation gonna kill her [add]

2008-04-22 12:06:45 / Rating: 487.25 /


In order to feel as if he had some sort of control over his cancer, my father would search the streets for a dollar in change before each chemo session.

tags: father dad cancer control fear [add]

2008-04-21 13:59:16 / Rating: 774.25 /


As I gave him the last 35 cents in my pocket, I realized that the homeless man was now wealthier than I was.

tags: money homeless poor [add]

2008-04-21 13:56:50 / Rating: 547.25 /


After one friend told me I'd get pneumonia and the other two decided on hypothermia, I did it out of spite.

tags: ocean beach night bra and underwear cold [add]

2008-04-21 13:56:43 / Rating: 453.75 /


In January we got married, in February we bought a house, in March we took in a 14-year-old boy, and in May I'll turn 22.

tags: life marriage fast [add]

2008-04-21 13:55:55 / Rating: 676.25 /


I hate the jerk who left the Post-It note on my door saying: "Your boyfriend called, he wants to break-up."

tags: rude break-up post-it note sad [add]

2008-04-18 10:20:05 / Rating: 655.25 /


It took me two years to realize that I'd sacrificed way too much to keep him happy, and I can't believe what finally sent me over the edge was him telling me "I think I'm a werewolf."

tags: humor relationships [add]

2008-04-18 10:19:15 / Rating: 714 /


My 86-year-old grandmother told me she'd always wanted to "blaze up a fat one."

tags: humor weed shocking grandmother [add]

2008-04-18 10:17:03 / Rating: 1006.5 /


His parents are as gothic as they come but he is a smiling, blonde haired kid with rosy red cheeks and happy blue eyes.

tags: kids contrast parents goth [add]

2008-04-18 10:16:18 / Rating: 483.25 /

Douglas Keech

Finishing months of backed up work in a week didn't convince my English teacher that I should go on the field trip and my time would be better spent in the ISS room crying in front of bullies.

tags: sadistic teacher crying [add]

2008-04-17 18:10:07 / Rating: 380 /


As I put my backpack on, preparing to leave the bus, it tripped the emergency exit and it's very loud alarm signaling the start of another day of high school.

tags: humor high school embarrasing [add]

2008-04-17 18:08:37 / Rating: 399.25 /


The jerk gave me mono then dumped me.

tags: mono break-ups [add]

2008-04-17 18:08:24 / Rating: 384.25 /


When I giggled at a particularly witty sentence, my professor realized I was not listening to his lecture on solid rocket boosters.

tags: oops not paying attention caught meta [add]

2008-04-17 18:06:14 / Rating: 528.5 /


A few months ago I just realized that made an idiot out of my self by saying, "Who said that?" to a person right beside me after he insulted me.

tags: insult months idiot dumb [add]

2008-04-15 23:04:45 / Rating: 348.25 /


When I woke up late one Saturday morning in a hotel room in Jerusalem with an Israeli soldier next to me, I knew I was finally living the dream.

tags: humor vacation fling Israel soldier [add]

2008-04-15 23:02:31 / Rating: 580.25 /


Being "friends" with an ex on Facebook is just as bad an idea as being friends with an ex in "real life."

tags: social networking college boyfriend four years later [add]

2008-04-15 22:59:36 / Rating: 374.25 /


In response to how her Spring Break was: "Well, we were jumped by hookers."

tags: fights spring break vacation good story [add]

2008-04-15 22:59:05 / Rating: 476.5 /


Because he killed himself, I was able to fall in love.

tags: death love suicide [add]

2008-04-15 22:56:36 / Rating: 717 /

No credit, please

The support of the third grade class was striking, as the second grade's "Tinkerbell" died in silence.

tags: childhood humor [add]

2008-04-15 10:16:44 / Rating: 513.75 /


We had a bomb threat and an unrelated code red lockdown on the same day, five days before the anniversary of the VT massacre and nine days before the anniversary of Columbine.

tags: high school fear [add]

2008-04-15 10:15:49 / Rating: 429.5 /


Only then did I realize how much I had when she told her daughter they lost everything in the fire.

tags: fire lost realization sadness [add]

2008-04-15 10:15:26 / Rating: 641.5 /


As I was washing my hands I noticed the lack of urinals along the wall and realized I had made this mistake twice in the same day.

tags: humor bathroom mistake oops [add]

2008-04-15 10:06:10 / Rating: 871 /


When I wrenched my back unpacking the massage table, her anniversary gift suddenly became "ours."

tags: humor anniversary injury gift irony [add]

2008-04-15 10:05:44 / Rating: 631.75 /


econ 4405: Because no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I can pass the exam, I can't learn it all in less than nine hours.

tags: college final exam student allnighter [add]

2008-04-15 10:04:58 / Rating: 578.5 /


I always said I hated this city and now that I'm leaving, I'm trying to taste the air for the first time.

tags: city [add]

2008-04-15 10:04:20 / Rating: 351.75 /


How many times did she have to be told: you don't leave a five-month-old alone in the bathtub?

tags: drowning dead child negligent babysitter [add]

2008-04-10 15:47:02 / Rating: 512.25 /

Kari Pfirman

As I was going down the Slip-n-Slide I heard a crack and felt an unbearable pain!

tags: [add]

2008-04-10 15:45:36 / Rating: 180.75 /


She always sends her kindergarden child to a seven and a half hour school day with only 5 chocolate chip cookies as his whole lunch.

tags: lunch children school [add]

2008-04-10 15:45:17 / Rating: 573.5 /


I've spent $12,300 in attorney fees so far and I still don't know if I'll be able to keep him out of the house.

tags: divorce temporary hearing jerk house abusive ex [add]

2008-04-10 15:43:08 / Rating: -369.25 /

Gou Tongzhi

Being mocked incessantly, every day, by your peers from the age of seven or so to the age of sixteen, changes you into the kind of person who can't muster up the courage to call a girl who might be willing to go out with you.

tags: romance childhood [add]

2008-04-10 15:40:52 / Rating: 602.75 /


At four, Sam ordered his first hamburger, and when the waitress asked, "Certainly, sir, medium?" replied indignantly, "No, large!"

tags: kids humor food [add]

2008-04-10 15:40:07 / Rating: 867.25 /

sorry about that

Funny how I considered Mom the weak parent, but he's the one who killed himself.

tags: not funny parenthood suicide misconception [add]

2008-04-10 14:58:13 / Rating: 578.75 /


This morning, when my mom wasn't looking, I saw her put birth control in my sisters orange juice.

tags: disenchanted humor pregnancy [add]

2008-04-10 14:57:33 / Rating: 714 /


As I tried to get up from the sofa, my still-sleeping baby girl rolled over, grabbed my shirt with both tiny hands, and would not let go.

tags: daughter father heartwarming [add]

2008-04-10 14:56:53 / Rating: 714 /

Cinnamon Stillwater

I don't know if it was the alcohol, the darkness or the rush to put my clothing back on that made me fall onto the cactus.

tags: ouch skinny dipping humor drunk drinking night [add]

2008-04-10 14:56:44 / Rating: 864.75 /


Over two months later and I still can't bring myself to delete his name from my phone

tags: friend death mourning denial car wreck Tyler Varnado [add]

2008-04-08 17:04:35 / Rating: 871.5 /

Kelly Braden

I asked my local newspaper to discontinue littering their typo filled publication on my doorstep, having cancelled my subscription last week.

tags: humor grammar media [add]

2008-04-08 17:02:24 / Rating: 418.25 /


I've been watching all the movies you wanted me to see when we were together.

tags: love break-up movies [add]

2008-04-08 17:01:58 / Rating: 726 /


My ex-girlfriend is engaged to my boyfriend's twin brother.

tags: love relationships twins bisexual [add]

2008-04-08 17:00:10 / Rating: 683.75 /


I got a job at that restaurant you pointed out to me months ago, hoping that one day you'll walk in without her.

tags: breakup relationships [add]

2008-04-08 16:59:59 / Rating: 491.25 /


The first day I walked into six grade was the last day I was optimistic.

tags: anti-social social division childhood grade six life [add]

2008-04-08 16:54:25 / Rating: 712.75 /


I thought my friends were individuals until I saw the merchandise sold at Hot Topic.

tags: original comformity non conformity teenagers high school [add]

2008-04-08 16:54:04 / Rating: 602 /

English Major

They laughed and said I would only end up working at a coffee shop, and because they did, I've accomplished so much more.

tags: coffee shop [add]

2008-04-08 16:51:58 / Rating: 243.25 /

future lawyer

My mom called me up in tears this morning because she didn't want me to buy a stolen television.

tags: illegal [add]

2008-04-08 16:48:23 / Rating: 223.25 /


When I was 5 or so my mom would tell me to lie down before she tied my tie and I just now realized at the age of 19 that she did this because she's a funeral director.

tags: funeral disenchanted humor [add]

2008-04-08 16:46:37 / Rating: 7438.25 /


I wrote "thank you" notes to everyone who had attended the funeral as if it had been a baby shower.

tags: funeral grief healing baby [add]

2008-04-07 14:32:41 / Rating: 616.25 /

The G-Man

I stared at my best friend through his newly-broken windshield and was convinced it was his fault that I threw the shovel.

tags: friendship overreaction anger [add]

2008-04-07 14:32:29 / Rating: 438.5 /


This year, on my birthday, I will eat alone at the restaurant where I spent my happiest birthday which eventually turned into the birthday which made me despise birthdays.

tags: birthday sad depression lesbian coming out [add]

2008-04-07 14:31:29 / Rating: 780.75 /


Alone in a cheap hotel room at 2am, I realized I'd never felt more at home.

tags: travel content sad [add]

2008-04-07 14:31:00 / Rating: 576.25 /

Andy M

The manager gave me a free pass to come back, but after 14 stitches I decided that ice skating wasn't for me.

tags: injury stitches ice skating [add]

2008-04-07 14:29:23 / Rating: 354.75 /


His suicide killed me, too.

tags: death parents family [add]

2008-04-07 14:29:13 / Rating: 751 /


My sheltered, religious friend was crushed when she discovered that her family's "Christmas smell" -- the special aroma that she had only ever smelled on Christmas morning -- was, in fact, pot.

tags: childhood marijuana christmas [add]

2008-04-07 14:23:05 / Rating: 1106.5 /

Stephanie E.

I went to the emergency room and was diagnosed with a headache.

tags: humor health irony [add]

2008-04-07 14:21:43 / Rating: 555 /

No, I'm not pregnant

It was when I brought my selected books to the library check-out counter and the librarian looked at me funny that I started to reconsider my reasearch paper topic on abortion.

tags: teenage girl research paper abortion awkward humor library [add]

2008-04-07 14:20:57 / Rating: 594 /


I realized I was getting old when I referred to something that happenend two years ago by "the other day."

tags: humor old age [add]

2008-04-04 14:28:05 / Rating: 590.75 /

Betsy Friday Prouty

The elephant that lived in my parent's living room has moved to my house.

tags: childhood psychology [add]

2008-04-04 14:27:01 / Rating: 615.5 /


You looked so much like my ex-boyfriend that when I overheard you talking about being vegan I had to stop myself from turning around and reminding you how much you love red meat.

tags: exes dopplegangers vegans [add]

2008-04-04 14:25:04 / Rating: 333.75 /


As I got ready for my annual physical, I came to the realization that my gynecologist was about to see my boyfriend's name shaved in my pubic hair.

tags: embarassment physical gynecologist pubic hair shaved [add]

2008-04-04 14:24:49 / Rating: 593 /


As soon as he said "Be careful," I fell down the stairs, breaking both the typewriter and my finger.

tags: irony injury clumsy [add]

2008-04-02 15:23:21 / Rating: 558.5 /


As I rummaged through the cereal box sleepy eyed this morning, a bit of sadness came over me when I remembered adult cereals don't contain prizes.

tags: childhood humor [add]

2008-04-02 15:22:52 / Rating: 805.75 /


I took down all the pictures of her when she was just a little girl because I can no long bear comparing them to what she has become.

tags: sister [add]

2008-04-02 15:18:52 / Rating: 476.5 /

In Love

I think my mom would be surprised to hear that my boyfriend of almost 1 year and I haven't had sex yet, even though we've slept in the same bed many times.

tags: love sex boyfriend mom [add]

2008-04-02 13:54:30 / Rating: 881.5 /


25 stitches later, I realized my biggest mistake wasn't jumping off the roof but grabbing the gutter on my way down

tags: ouch stitches mistake [add]

2008-04-02 13:53:32 / Rating: 537 /


I was six when I woke up next to my grandma to find that she had died in her sleep.

tags: death grandmother childhood scared [add]

2008-04-02 13:50:04 / Rating: 773.75 /


If you've never seen your friend's baby girl wave goodbye to her daddy as his casket leaves the funeral, I want to be you.

tags: sad death dying loss lossing a friend bad memories [add]

2008-04-02 13:49:34 / Rating: 1249 /


As he watched them make his hamburger from the counter, my four year old announced loudly that he was no longer interested in being an astronaut when he grew up but would prefer to have a job at McDonalds.

tags: humor childhood McDonalds embarrassing [add]

2008-04-01 12:10:56 / Rating: 837.5 /


I'm ninety-six pounds and my boyfriend won't let me eat cake.

tags: control disorder boyfriend love lies [add]

2008-04-01 12:10:38 / Rating: 779.25 /


It was a little weird to find out after we reunited that his ex-wife resembled me, but it was weirder to find out that my ex-husband and her are now dating.

tags: creepy exs dating [add]

2008-04-01 12:10:28 / Rating: 448.5 /


Now I think of him every time I hear the word "pierogi."

tags: pierogi [add]

2008-04-01 12:06:53 / Rating: 201 /


I think it was after the 20th time she had emailed me a sentence from this website that I realized she was as eager to talk to me as I was to her.

tags: co-worker crushing e-mail slacking meta [add]

2008-04-01 12:06:37 / Rating: 505 /

futura yellow

He thought my naval was a "lady part."

tags: boyfriend stupid piercing [add]

2008-04-01 12:05:33 / Rating: 578.5 /


The number two student in my class of over 600, I felt my self-worth diminish rapidly as Columbia, Brown, and Princeton all decided I wasn't good enough.

tags: college decisions AP student not good enough rejection failure [add]

2008-04-01 12:04:46 / Rating: 441.5 /


I panicked as my best friend was looking through my things and grabbed the box where I keep the razors I used to cut myself for so many years.

tags: friend razor cutting self-mutilation secret [add]

2008-04-01 12:04:26 / Rating: 565.75 /


It took me till ninth grade to realize that it wasn't the best idea to preach Satanism to my Protestant friends.

tags: religion [add]

2008-04-01 12:03:45 / Rating: 486 /


When my middle-aged friend's elderly ob-gyn boyfriend told her she had "the vagina of a 25-year-old," I couldn't decide if it was a compliment or if he was treating her like one of his patients.

tags: gynecologist vagina dating [add]

2008-04-01 12:03:26 / Rating: 471.75 /