that chick in the corner
He said he loved me when I told him I was bi, bipolar, and had recently had an eating disorder, but my dislike of Duran Duran was a dealbreaker.
2009-02-27 10:41:20 / Rating: 518.5 / 
Story archives - February 2009
Rekidk
I needed to come out of the closet, so I twittered it.
2009-02-27 10:39:00 / Rating: 389.25 /
Pathetic Pooch
My dog was so desperate to avoid his bath that he pretended to vomit.
2009-02-26 20:30:48 / Rating: 420.5 /
appalled
I told him I was surprised that he was still talking to me, and he said, "Well, being bisexual means you're still half normal and I guess it could be worse."
2009-02-26 20:27:50 / Rating: 209.25 /
princessS
I knew he loved me when he admitted his refusal to let me sleep by the window was for fear of a stray bullet.
2009-02-26 20:26:19 / Rating: 641.5 /
Erf
As I left my apartment listening to Daivd Bowie's "1984," I noticed the new security cameras they had installed across the alley.
2009-02-26 20:26:01 / Rating: 256.5 /
Kaycee
The more text messages I see on the phone bill, the higher chances my son has a new girlfriend.
2009-02-26 15:59:37 / Rating: 233 /
I cried immediately after dropping my phone in the toilet, but these three days of talking only with the people I want to talk with have been the most peaceful and enjoyable in my recent memory.
2009-02-26 15:59:10 / Rating: 323.75 /
ksiebs
The pregnancy scare was just as bad as it was at 17 and in Catholic school at 25 and engaged.
2009-02-25 14:24:53 / Rating: 163.5 /
largebutfinite
OK, so it might have been the wrong time to use the expression, "Like a midget in a limbo contest."
2009-02-25 14:21:55 / Rating: 217.25 /
R
One can only wonder how plausible the words "I'm still a virgin" could possibly have sounded after her little brother told their mother that he heard the bed squeaking rhythmically.
2009-02-24 14:31:29 / Rating: 159.5 /
Raines
Breaking up means deauthorizing two computers for iTunes.
2009-02-24 14:29:25 / Rating: 305.75 /
st. mojo
I had only had my driver's license for a few weeks and really hadn't given much thought to what would happen if you hooked up the jumper cables on the wrong terminals.
2009-02-24 11:10:55 / Rating: 177 /
MK--
When I read her breakup email, the first thought that went through my mind was that I would have to watch this week's episode of Battlestar Galactica all by myself.
2009-02-24 10:59:05 / Rating: 454.75 /
Paisley Raven
My bisexual 14-year-old daughter put a middle school teacher in her place when she complained being examined by a female OB/GYN would make her feel "like a queer" with four perfect words: "I AM a queer."
2009-02-23 09:37:57 / Rating: 1062.25 /
NoExit
I realized my family's odd list of priorities when, while standing in the kitchen under the leaking roof, my father informed me he needed a ride to the Porsche dealer to pick up his new car.
2009-02-23 09:32:38 / Rating: 310 /
Bee
Like most people, I didn't imagine my first make-out session as involving a bowl of bananas, a waffle maker, and being interrupted by my fencing coach.
2009-02-18 21:35:47 / Rating: 321.5 /
Lily
My friend who is really skinny and I think has the ideal body can't fit her butt into the jeans I'm wearing right now and I still feel fat.
2009-02-18 21:34:12 / Rating: 182.5 /
Emms
My best friend of nine years still won't let go of the time I accidentally pushed her in front of a taxi before ripping her out of the way.
2009-02-18 21:29:44 / Rating: 214.25 /
Suspicious
Lesson Learned: "Open Relationship" = "I'm already seeing someone else."
2009-02-17 16:11:35 / Rating: 431.75 /
A. R.
I still wish I had taken the F instead of the A on the online test I hurried to finish while I could hear my dog dying on the kitchen floor.
2009-02-17 16:10:32 / Rating: 354.5 /
hartford
My oldest sister once curiously asked my Grandma Helen why her phone number was written on her arm.
2009-02-17 13:44:48 / Rating: 780.75 /
Haha
After he broke up with me on Valentine's Day, I returned his present and used the money to buy a ton of chocolate and some new shirts.
2009-02-17 13:44:12 / Rating: 252 /
Church Girl
As if half the congregation sneezing wasn't enough, the priest coughed several times into his hands and proceeded to give us all communion with those same hands.
2009-02-17 13:41:32 / Rating: 201 /
Ara
I happened to stumble onto the murder scene of the Turkish military attache in Ottawa, Ontario in August 1982, five minutes after it happened.
2009-02-17 13:41:05 / Rating: 194.75 /
M
I will never ask for ham at a deli in the Czech Republic again.
2009-02-17 13:39:43 / Rating: 148.75 /
Becky
The three of us laughed together for nearly an hour in a conversation begun by the phrase "Dad got transferred to a mental ward!"
2009-02-17 13:36:46 / Rating: 228.75 /
ksiebs
It's easy to make fun of the 26-year-old girl who is afraid of fireworks until you find out that it's not the fireworks themselves but the sounds that remind her of gunshots.
2009-02-12 12:33:38 / Rating: 571.75 /
annoyed
I think what bothers me the most is that my mother pretends not to understand why I will never leave my children alone at their house.
2009-02-12 12:32:54 / Rating: 431.5 /
Caroline
"Have you considered becoming a therapist?" asked my therapist.
2009-02-12 11:29:28 / Rating: 373 /
No second city for me
I heard my friend wrong when he referred to Chicago as "The City of Cold Shoulders," but the two years I lived there after that confirmed that what I had heard was actually accurate.
2009-02-12 11:27:33 / Rating: 131.75 /
Stupidest Thing Ever
While it was comforting to hear the cop's reassurances that he personally did not believe we were pedophiles, it really didn't do much to help the situation.
2009-02-12 11:25:21 / Rating: 276 /
Allie
I will never forgive them for letting me find out my aunt had committed suicide on the five o'clock news.
2009-02-12 11:25:07 / Rating: 278 /
Lost...
Of all the things I thought I would be doing on my birthday, begging my cat to just let go and die peacefully in her sleep so I wouldn't have to take her to the vet to be put down was not one of them.
2009-02-12 11:20:12 / Rating: 205.75 /
ksiebs
I don't know any other 13-year-old girl whose main concern on a daily basis was whether or not her bald spots were showing.
2009-02-10 14:38:48 / Rating: 305.5 /
I.Q. is less than Wisdom
My Mensa membership card was the only thing in my mailbox on the day I buried my wife and it was dated the day she died.
2009-02-10 13:24:31 / Rating: 191.5 /
monkey porn lady
I believe the monkey who jacks off outside my window will miss me when I move.
2009-02-10 13:23:28 / Rating: 180.5 /
Asian
I didn't dare look at my black friend when my criminology professor talked about a theory that suggested Asians were smartest, Whites average, and Blacks the dumbest.
2009-02-10 13:20:15 / Rating: 230 /
Brad Wilson
Today I saw a chicken walking up 9th Avenue and, being very tired, he sat down on a metal door in the sidewalk beside a couple of Mexican guys.
2009-02-10 13:00:55 / Rating: 273.25 /
Justjess
For Christmas, my two year old son received two toy monster trucks which he promptly named Comfort and Joy.
2009-02-09 14:15:57 / Rating: 424.75 /
Just Mary
I think I will throw up if Facebook doesn't stop suggesting that I friend the teenage boy who rubbed his penis on my 6 year old daughter.
2009-02-09 14:13:38 / Rating: 391.5 /
Politico
We met early in the primaries and broke up two years later on Election Day.
2009-02-09 12:57:40 / Rating: 144 /
Chelsea
As I collapsed on the bathroom floor about to pass out, I realized that taking a really hot shower after drinking too much vodka is not a good idea.
2009-02-09 12:50:28 / Rating: 179.25 /
Katie
During two years of graduate school, I never imagined that my career would involve taking pictures of raisins.
2009-02-06 14:17:50 / Rating: 319.5 /
Mineral
I hugged your mom and your girlfriend at your funeral, but when your family bashed me in your eulogy I instantly wished I hadn't.
2009-02-06 14:17:24 / Rating: 311.5 /
Nicole
At the age of five, I had an obsession with licking my mothers deodorant.
2009-02-06 14:14:52 / Rating: 215.25 /
Old Friendship, Old Love
That day my high school roommate opened our bakery alone because I was getting ready to marry her brother.
2009-02-06 14:14:18 / Rating: 159 /
Liam
There was never a more beautiful sound than when I opened the door and heard her say, "Daddy, I'm scared, I can't feel my legs."
2009-02-06 14:13:29 / Rating: 291.25 /
Teach Me
I had to divorce him when I realized I had sunk to the unconscious choice of not wearing my seat belt anymore.
2009-02-06 14:12:48 / Rating: 327 /
BadBoss
All I said was that her Facebook page needed to be more professional, and she started crying.
2009-02-06 14:12:27 / Rating: 200.25 /
Pyro
It was at "Disney on Ice" when my Dad told me Walt Disney was a Nazi.
2009-02-06 14:11:47 / Rating: 242 /
jerij
Normal has been tilted and is now my new normal ever since my husband committed suicide.
2009-02-06 14:10:31 / Rating: 167 /
happy girl
When I realized I had my period on the night of senior prom, I was glad I didn't wait.
2009-02-06 14:10:07 / Rating: 207 /
Raines
I have been cooking professionally for 12 years and the worst burn I ever got was from a pop-tart.
2009-02-06 14:09:37 / Rating: 432.5 /
Allie
Now that I am seeing my grades, I am realizing that maybe exam week was not the best time to go on a five day pot binge.
2009-02-04 14:50:48 / Rating: 238 /
lagiroflee
I realized that high school would become much more difficult as my doctor told me I would be trading in food for formula.
2009-02-04 14:46:07 / Rating: 133.5 /
Sarah
As my son's head crowned, my eyes about popped out of my head as I remember thinking: "Gee, this feels weird."
2009-02-04 14:45:23 / Rating: 155 /
Pris
With shaking hands, I held out a fresh-bought copy of his newest book and my luckiest pen... only to drop it into his mug of tea.
2009-02-04 14:44:24 / Rating: 227 /
Alvin
During the party, an awkward silence fell in the room after my wife's grandmother asked me loudly if I'd ever seen a shaved beaver.
2009-02-04 14:43:55 / Rating: 403.25 /
SuperSteph
Despite the fact that he asks every night, God has not yet answered my five-year-old's prayer asking where mosquitos come from.
2009-02-04 14:41:03 / Rating: 220.25 /
Fly
The day I moved out of my apartment was the day I discovered the bathroom mirror was actually the door to a medicine cabinet.
2009-02-04 14:39:44 / Rating: 503 /
Andrew
Once again, my dad's "Do you have a minute?" phone call spanned two hours and three different unpleasant subjects.
2009-02-03 09:19:42 / Rating: 231.25 /
Living Southern
I've never felt as guilty as when my mother took one look at me the weekend I lost my virginity on a class trip and said, "Something is different about you."
2009-02-02 11:53:56 / Rating: 602.75 /
Ken
I was trying to call my brother long distance but dialed 911 by accident, when they showed up and realised my mistake, the police officer paged "to cancel the other unit."
2009-02-02 11:53:29 / Rating: 116.75 /
(katie)
The worst part about the rape is the way it's made the rest of my life about that one night.
2009-02-02 11:52:09 / Rating: 450 /
Brady
My parents put my dog down the night of my prom.
2009-02-02 11:50:32 / Rating: 169.5 /
Troy Denver
His best record was that he went fifteen minutes before asking me what my grades were when I got home from boarding school.
2009-02-02 11:13:01 / Rating: 156 /
Mr. Chris G.
The correct response to your wife after coming home from an emergency call only to find that your son had caught the majority of the backyard on fire is not, "That's what you called me home for?"
2009-02-02 11:12:07 / Rating: 263 /
klee
I woke up the second day of Spring Break with a Girls Gone Wild shirt on.
2009-02-02 11:07:09 / Rating: 320.25 /
Cinful
Tomorrow I'll look around at my 19-yr-old college classmates and think: you have no idea what kinky things I did to celebrate my 50th birthday this weekend.
2009-02-02 11:04:52 / Rating: 671 /
Brett Keoki Patton
I believe it was unfair of my parents to put so much pressure on me as a child to make a choice as to what percent of milk I preferred.
2009-02-02 10:38:54 / Rating: 290.5 /