Story archives - August 2011


I realized I was lonely when i started kissing the sides of my fishtank to say good night to my fish.

tags: fish loneliness fml [add]

2011-08-29 08:16:40 / Rating: 591 /


I asked my 93 year old Grandmother, who I adore, what she thought life was all about and she replied, "I don't think about those type of things."

tags: grandmother life [add]

2011-08-29 08:15:30 / Rating: 500.5 /


That night ended eventfully with one traumatized dog, two irritated parents, one hormonal crying teenager, and hundreds of gallons of water down the drain, but it's okay because my dog no longer has poop all over his body.

tags: humor dog poop rolled in things he wasn't supposed to water wasted water [add]

2011-08-29 08:15:13 / Rating: 533.25 /


One busted ceiling, one surgery, $2,000, four days of tube feeding and five nights on my bed later: my cat is safe.

tags: love pets cat surgery vet [add]

2011-08-24 19:31:53 / Rating: 704.75 /


After the uninsured patient's EKG revealed a heart attack rather than pneumonia, the night shift doctor told me the cardiologist would be in to see the patient in the morning.

tags: medical center clinic malpractice [add]

2011-08-24 19:30:39 / Rating: 305.5 /


When my religious grandmother told me that she thought it was "disgusting for gays to marry," I realized that she would never come to my wedding.

tags: lesbian love family religion anger [add]

2011-08-24 19:29:56 / Rating: 726 /


We each got what was important to us in the divorce: I got the kids and he got everything else.

tags: divorce parenting [add]

2011-08-24 19:29:43 / Rating: 783.25 /


I yelled at my mother the night her mom died, because she wouldn't quit asking me if I wanted to see the body.

tags: confusion phone call trying to leave grief [add]

2011-08-22 20:14:36 / Rating: 338.5 /


I thought that she had said "Please take off your shirt", when the Russian neurologist had really said "Please take off your shoes".

tags: doctor humor embarrassment [add]

2011-08-20 08:26:22 / Rating: 497.75 /


The pills were behind the glass counter, the money was in my wallet, the region required no prescription and, I explained to the councilor, a prerequisite for drug addiction is that you stick to one brand.

tags: drugs addiction [add]

2011-08-20 08:25:15 / Rating: 339 /

I See Grandma

I was excited to climb out and meet her, but the window glass wasn't.

tags: humor childhood carelessness [add]

2011-08-10 17:48:42 / Rating: 501.75 /


I blacked out on the futon and woke up to a cop shining a flashlight in my eyes and telling his partner who my parents are.

tags: alcohol highschool busted [add]

2011-08-10 17:35:22 / Rating: 371.5 /


After a year of suspicion, my fears were confirmed when my ten-year old nephew told us that, "My mom and dad crush up blues and snort them with dollar bills."

tags: addiction family trouble [add]

2011-08-09 15:15:16 / Rating: 368 /


After driving 800 miles non-stop to visit my family, I got lost for the only time that day within 2 blocks of my old home.

tags: driving lost visiting family [add]

2011-08-07 16:08:28 / Rating: 397.25 /


I found a keystroke counter on my work computer, so I typed a suicide letter to figure out who put it there.

tags: privacy invasion [add]

2011-08-07 16:08:15 / Rating: 666.5 /


When I told my group of Boy Scouts they would need to look for signs of wildlife on our nature hike, one small bespectacled boy asked, "Do zombies count as wildlife?"

tags: zombies boy scouts wildlife [add]

2011-08-07 16:07:17 / Rating: 523.25 /

One grey November day...

I thought my college crush and next-door neighbour was just sick until they called a dorm floor meeting.

tags: death suicide college crush [add]

2011-08-07 16:06:51 / Rating: 475.75 /


If that man hadn't decided to reply to his oh so pressing text message on the nearly empty stretch of highway, she wouldn't be in the hospital right now and she would be able to walk again.

tags: car crash negligence stupid texting text message paralyzed head on collision [add]

2011-08-04 10:59:17 / Rating: 466.75 /


I just read a One Sentence from 2007 about someone who apparently sang an E sharp, and I just need to point out that this is extremely idiotic because not only is E sharp actually F, but E sharp also first appears in the key of F sharp, and it would save a lot of time to say the song is just in G flat.

tags: music redundancy e sharp meta [add]

2011-08-04 10:57:51 / Rating: 434.5 /


Today I used a letter from the debt collector's office as proof of residence, in order to collect my new credit card.

tags: humor debt [add]

2011-08-04 10:57:03 / Rating: 550.75 /