The day our Uncle was crushed by a forty foot machine, my mother and brother could not stop discussing how cool it would be if he came back as a zombie while looking at his body and making arrangements for it at the funeral home.
2011-09-16 12:58:23 / Rating: 317.75 / 
When I was little my older brother convinced me that if I never farted I would blow up at the age of 34.
2011-07-20 11:57:24 / Rating: 533.25 /
I'm mourning the loss of my little brother because the "friends" who invited him to the party are the same ones who gave him the drugs and left him there to die.
2011-05-13 10:45:45 / Rating: 541.5 /
Although cancer took my little brother ten years ago when he was a sophomore in college, his first (and only) boyfriend and I still refer to one another as "brothers-in-law."
2011-04-12 13:24:39 / Rating: 987.75 /
When my brother was eight years old, he walked into his speech therapist's office and told her, "I don't need your help anymore, I can speak just fine" in clear English.
2011-04-04 12:31:11 / Rating: 474.25 /
There was nothing to do but watch helplessly as the young, drunk Marine stomped the chicken to death in the backyard.
2010-10-28 09:57:06 / Rating: 338.5 /
Upon seeing the horrified look on my mother's face and watching the nurse clamor into the room as the heart monitor flat lined, my 5-year-old brother brightly responded, "Look what I can do!"
2010-04-19 16:44:42 / Rating: 433.25 /
My brother is an accomplished pilot, has three college degrees and has traveled all over the world, and he still likes to draw little moustaches on me while I sleep.
2010-03-15 14:39:21 / Rating: 817.75 /
I was laying in bed snuggling with my 6 month old son when my brother called crying hysterically that his wife had just died in a car accident, leaving him a widow with 5 little kids to raise on his own.
2010-02-24 15:27:56 / Rating: 468 /
Thanks to my brother, you'll no longer get detention for having blue hair.
2010-02-01 11:21:40 / Rating: 490.75 /
I knew my brother was going to be a good acrobat when, at five years old, he tripped over a rock mid run and did a 360 degree flip into a nearby fish pond.
2010-01-07 16:04:56 / Rating: 461.25 /
When I asked him how his day had been my father shrugged and said "It was okay," in a non-committal way, because we were still ten minutes from home, and only then would he feel able to tell me my brother had been killed.
2009-12-30 09:06:58 / Rating: 593.5 /
My sister's name backwards is "Ah, Satan!"
2009-11-23 16:40:06 / Rating: 673.25 /
When I was little, my older brother had me convinced that the members of Hootie and the Blowfish were named Hootie, And, The, and Blowfish.
2009-01-26 09:34:19 / Rating: 522.75 /
When he was a little kid, my now-gay brother asked my mom when he would turn into a girl.
2009-01-23 11:45:22 / Rating: 753.75 /
My dog and my little brother practically grew up together, and now that she's gone, he doesn't have a playmate.
2009-01-07 09:36:33 / Rating: 314 /
When I asked my son how hitting his brother in the eye could be "an accident," he replied, "I was trying to hit him in the nose."
2008-10-10 16:00:34 / Rating: 1101 /
After your twin brother got me pregnant, I was relieved that the baby would still look like you.
2008-10-10 11:17:18 / Rating: 687.25 /
The same night my brother died, a church burned down across the city and my sister-in-law disappeared without a word.
2008-09-10 18:07:41 / Rating: 572.25 /
If my brother steals my phone and texts dirty messages to my friends one more time, I'm gonna break his fingers.
2008-08-04 17:13:13 / Rating: 395.5 /
It's been seven years since she was adopted and I just now realized that my little sister has never called me by my given name, only the Chinese word for "older brother."
2008-05-28 15:54:30 / Rating: 565.5 /
I gave Pete time to make a decision but he was already halfway to the stage and I was never more proud to be his brother.
2008-03-07 16:50:16 / Rating: 344 /
I made Superman cry the day I went to the hospital.
2007-07-17 14:46:03 / Rating: 683.25 /
Five years and an engagement ring later, my brother forgave his ex-best-friend for hitting on his little sister.
2007-05-23 13:17:46 / Rating: 752.75 /
He thought he was invincible.
2006-10-30 00:21:08 / Rating: 942.25 /
My brother bet me $5 that you and I would grow old together, and two days later when you broke up with me I bought five boxes of the most bittersweet twinkies I have ever eaten in my life.
2006-10-22 01:34:27 / Rating: 803.75 /
One time my older brother put his coat in the oven to try to dry it off, but it kinda caught on fire.
2006-06-27 17:32:03 / Rating: 685 /
