Story archives - tag: "food"


It wasn't because the dog is "poorly trained," but rather because you left the canister of bacon grease at the edge of the kitchen table.

tags: dogs food accidents [add]

2011-05-18 09:24:04 / Rating: 537 /


When I was a baby, my mother sucked the equivalent of half an ear of corn out of my nose with a bulb syringe.

tags: childhood humor food corn [add]

2011-03-09 11:12:32 / Rating: 565 /


I thought the strawberries looked too big until I realised they were prawns.

tags: strawberries prawns food [add]

2011-01-07 12:26:36 / Rating: 369.25 /

Jasmine Lei

One year later, I still haven't told you that dinner with you on our first date was a major step to recovering from my eating disorder.

tags: eating disorders food love romance date first date [add]

2010-12-09 08:49:26 / Rating: 998 /


Finding out that it's diverticulitis, not stomach cancer, is only a small relief, as my favorite foods are now off limits.

tags: food disease cancer depression [add]

2010-10-19 15:21:03 / Rating: 398.25 /

Dave Walls

Discipline is eating your salad, while everyone else around you eats cheesesteaks.

tags: dieting food hunger motivation [add]

2010-04-20 14:35:13 / Rating: 505.5 /

I realized I'm a true dog person when I had a dinner of plain pasta and a stolen snickers bar, because I couldn't afford anything more than that after buying my dog's prescription food.

tags: dog food love [add]

2010-03-09 11:51:38 / Rating: 747.25 /

Curry Cretin

When my Nepali housemate walked in on me heating up curry from a tin, I seriously considered moving out.

tags: food housemates embarrassing [add]

2010-02-01 11:17:45 / Rating: 304.25 /


I ate a baked potato like an apple, because I was too lazy to go downstairs for a fork.

tags: food humor story of my life lazy [add]

2009-10-22 20:46:29 / Rating: 541.5 /


I was relieved when my middle-school friend revealed to me that, unlike what my mother had told me, hot dogs were not the penises of pigs.

tags: food pigs humor parents childhood [add]

2009-07-13 16:06:57 / Rating: 675.75 /

e coli

My pit bull-rottweiler only eats cat treats and is scared of my eight pound cat.

tags: dog pets food strange [add]

2009-06-29 14:03:01 / Rating: 722 /


While I was walking home from work, it started raining heavily just as I was about to pass my favorite restaurant.

tags: fate food rain [add]

2009-05-04 11:30:06 / Rating: 357 /


I learned a valuable life leason tonight: never eat 50% discounted sushi.

tags: food discount sushi pain [add]

2009-03-19 08:57:16 / Rating: 553.5 /


I stood in the cereal aisle for ten minutes trying to pick the Marshmallow Mateys bag with the highest marshmallow-to-anchor ratio.

tags: college food humor [add]

2008-12-05 13:03:14 / Rating: 922.75 /


With a melodramatic sigh, she declared she was a "bad vegetarian today" and wolfed down a double bacon cheeseburger, and I wondered how I could be so vehemently opposed to violence against animals and still want to punch this human in the mouth.

tags: vegetarian bad vegetarian food animals random violence [add]

2008-12-04 13:14:27 / Rating: 630 /


It wasn't until I sat down at the table that I realized I had drizzled maple syrup over my kung pao tofu instead of soy sauce.

tags: humor gross food why was it even out there? [add]

2008-11-14 15:22:40 / Rating: 529 /


It was at that moment that I realized just how similar are the tastes of fresh fish and week old, unrefrigerated turkey.

tags: humor disgusting food [add]

2008-09-03 13:53:46 / Rating: 515.75 /


I took a huge bite of rice pudding only to realize that it was actually tartar sauce.

tags: humor mistake food oops [add]

2008-08-14 20:37:55 / Rating: 801.75 /


I discovered in front of the entire store that gourmet dog biscuits look like, but do not taste like, people cookies.

tags: humor dog biscuit food oops [add]

2008-07-21 15:36:48 / Rating: 585.5 /


When I finally got to the gym I realized I'd forgotten my ID, so I came home, ate a sandwich and took a nap instead.

tags: working out nap food procrastination [add]

2008-06-02 13:53:32 / Rating: 692.75 /


The orange sat in my bag for another day because I continued refusing to admit that oranges are just too messy to eat at work.

tags: food orange laziness [add]

2008-05-28 16:08:49 / Rating: 443 /


Even though it's too late to ask the question: is it okay to eat onion rings out of the trash, as long as they are on top?

tags: food trash [add]

2008-05-05 10:11:51 / Rating: 463.75 /


I used to think a futon was a cross between a crouton and a wonton, and would always get weird looks from the waitstaff when I'd try to order one at an Asian restaurant.

tags: humor dining food [add]

2008-04-28 10:27:35 / Rating: 676.5 /


At four, Sam ordered his first hamburger, and when the waitress asked, "Certainly, sir, medium?" replied indignantly, "No, large!"

tags: kids humor food [add]

2008-04-10 15:40:07 / Rating: 873 /


I was at the dentist and I burped, then he told me what I had for breakfast.

tags: dentist humor food [add]

2008-01-29 15:30:56 / Rating: 708.5 /


The kid at the checkout decided it was efficient and eco-friendly to pack my bag of potatoes into a separate plastic bag... by itself.

tags: shopping food [add]

2008-01-23 17:16:36 / Rating: 445.75 /


After I insisted he finish the leftover tomato soup that "tasted funny," I remembered I ate the rest of soup for lunch yesterday.

tags: humor food soup oops [add]

2008-01-11 13:59:01 / Rating: 684.75 /

The Guru

Eating--alone--the warm brownie covered by cold vanilla ice cream and smothered with thick chocolate syrup sure beat finding the highway in the dark.

tags: eating food ice cream lost highway night [add]

2007-11-09 11:05:10 / Rating: 539 /


Burping the taste of Goldfish is one of life's wonderful things.

tags: goldfish food delicious burp [add]

2007-11-02 14:39:29 / Rating: 487.25 /


Sometimes I'm surprised by how a simple thing like pancakes and coffee on a rainy day can temporarily nullify everything negative.

tags: food solace comfort rain [add]

2007-10-25 10:20:50 / Rating: 750.75 /


Life's too short to stop eating apples.

tags: apples life food [add]

2007-10-23 11:47:50 / Rating: 527.75 /


Expiration dates are there for a reason.

tags: food [add]

2007-10-16 11:05:40 / Rating: 496.75 /


Bananas taste so much sweeter when mashed before spreading them on toast

tags: food snacks bananas toast [add]

2007-10-11 11:16:07 / Rating: 484.5 /


I can only hope that my spaghetti surprise dinner party isn't a complete disaster, but it doesn't help that I don't even have enough cutlery for eight guests.

tags: humor food [add]

2007-10-08 17:34:00 / Rating: 452.25 /

I Heart Chocolate

I never liked food containing anything soy until the realization that they help me lose weight.

tags: health epiphany food body image [add]

2007-09-13 13:51:16 / Rating: 565.25 /


I informed my husband that I wanted a divorce after he told me that he doesn't like marshmallows.

tags: humor funny food sweet candy [add]

2007-08-14 16:58:54 / Rating: 675.75 /


The typo on the Chinese food take-out menu claimed that their Garlic Shrimp contained "flesh mushrooms," and now I can't eat there without giggling like a twelve year old.

tags: humor food Chinese food sex penis typo [add]

2007-08-07 16:19:05 / Rating: 753.5 /


Having finally tried Chipotle I am, now more then ever, convinced of the supreme awesomeness of the Panchero's burrito.

tags: food [add]

2007-07-11 12:57:42 / Rating: 398.25 /

Unsung Hero

I once ate a whole jar of peanut butter (the crunchy kind) just to see if I could, and all I got was constipation for a week.

tags: poo peanut jar eat food [add]

2007-07-06 11:18:47 / Rating: 517.75 /


The broccoli-cheese potato was perfectly cooked, but the pickles mysteriously had corn on them.

tags: food humor lunch salad bar [add]

2007-07-03 17:11:33 / Rating: 502.5 /

J. Puer

Having bent all of our spoons my mother finally bought an ice cream scoop.

tags: food ice cream family mother [add]

2007-07-02 14:35:38 / Rating: 757 /


That was the day I learned that tacos don't mix with vodka and skydiving.

tags: vomit food skydiving [add]

2007-06-26 16:56:18 / Rating: 582.75 /

I've Tasted Flight

Upon asking my 5-year old son how many hotdogs he wanted for dinner, he said, "Ninety-nine five."

tags: humor kids hot dogs food [add]

2007-06-14 16:52:34 / Rating: 610.5 /


They thought it was weird that I ate molasses on my cheese.

tags: humor food molasses cheese [add]

2007-06-14 14:56:59 / Rating: 604.75 /

It Burns

The regret came not when I chopped chilli for tea but much later on, when I picked my nose.

tags: humor burn food nose ouch tea regret [add]

2007-03-27 17:12:16 / Rating: 849.75 /

lord onan

She's eleven years old and she eats like a pro wrestler.

tags: food kid eating [add]

2007-03-27 14:03:17 / Rating: 545.75 /


Only later did I realize that the taxi driver wasn't making an obscene gesture, but rather, trying to inform me that I had left a box of takeout on the roof of my car.

tags: food cars taxi mistakes oops [add]

2006-12-18 13:59:44 / Rating: 927 /

Baron Raymundo

To this very day my kid brother still won't touch anything if I tell him it tastes like chocolate.

tags: humor siblings childhood food gross [add]

2006-11-29 15:16:20 / Rating: 774 /

Sheik Damo

I just made a nice sandwich and it has gravy.

tags: sandwich lunch food [add]

2006-11-21 09:55:35 / Rating: 515 /


I don't eat meat, because my mother's friend ate our pet cow.

tags: humor food vegetarian [add]

2006-11-08 13:09:18 / Rating: 583 /


I stared at the bucket of stale cheese puffs in disbelief and thought, "I can't believe I paid 9 bucks to eat at this lousy Chinese buffet!"

tags: regret food buffet humor [add]

2006-11-01 16:17:48 / Rating: 615.25 /


Well, I thought as I hit the floor in a daze, this is the last time I'll ever eat at *this* sushi bar.

tags: humor food sick food poisoning [add]

2006-10-30 15:01:48 / Rating: 682.5 /


I spilled the lasagna I made for dinner, on the carpet.

tags: food oops [add]

2006-08-22 09:44:31 / Rating: 522 /


After two years, I finally realized that veal is not made from baby cats.

tags: veal cat humor food [add]

2006-08-10 16:25:20 / Rating: 703.25 /


I ate some berries yesterday that I used to think weren't good for eating but they were very good for eating, tasting, and making me feel alright!

tags: eating food berries behavior modification [add]

2006-07-10 08:52:47 / Rating: 469 /