Miss Soviet Ukraine
When I was five, I licked my father's shaver and cut my tongue.
When I was five, I licked my father's shaver and cut my tongue.
I held the black light up to my friend's keyboard and now you couldn't pay me to touch that thing.
My sister caught me eating the callus I'd peeled off the bottom of my foot, and that was the end of that habit.
I asked my friend if I could use his computer for a second only to find the words "how to properly pick your nose" in the google search queue.
I just finished a project on bees, and now that I've learned how they make honey, previously one of my favorite foods, I never want to eat it again.
It wasn't until I sat down at the table that I realized I had drizzled maple syrup over my kung pao tofu instead of soy sauce.
Boogers on your space key don't exactly impress your friends.
201 electricity-free hours will make you reconsider ever buying frozen fish again.
If you thought toilet paper on the back of your shoe was bad, try someone else's used pad.
I didn't tell her the candy she popped in her mouth had just been half-eaten by the dog.
As I skidded on a trail of pee on the hardwood floor, I realized I couldn't be with the one I love because I hate his dog.
As the vomit crawled up my throat I suddenly realized I was holding the barf bag upside down.
I was told that the cat got an infected nipple from licking himself too much when no one is home.
I sincerely hope whoever spat that gigantic loogie in their to-go box and left it on table #14 for my hand to stumble upon falls into a fiery pit of aborted pig fetuses.
You would think that the weirdest thing about my family is that my step grandma is younger then my mom, but in fact it the strange thing is that she is sleeping with my mom's brother.
After that, I vowed I would never again offer to pop a hard-to-reach zit for her.
While trying to go to the bathroom at the movie theater, I skipped over two stalls without toilet paper and one with pee on the seat before settling on the stall that didn't lock.
To this very day my kid brother still won't touch anything if I tell him it tastes like chocolate.