Story archives - tag: "irony"

new found family

The day her mother told me she loved me and would always be there for me, was the same day my own mother said I disgusted her to her very soul.

tags: gay family irony home love true love [add]

2014-03-03 09:19:32 / Rating: 148 /

Janet's corpulent daughter

Enclosed in the card admonishing me to watch what I eat, was a 33-cents-off coupon for a tube of refrigerated cookie dough.

tags: passive-aggressive mothers coupons irony [add]

2013-08-14 14:41:06 / Rating: 226.25 /


One day when I was four years old I started screaming and crying at the Dippin Dots stand because my mom told me I couldn't get any, so the guy just gave me some for free.

tags: humor irony childhood yummy dippin dots mom crying [add]

2013-08-07 21:29:16 / Rating: 261.25 /


I found it incredibly ironic that a few hours after I euthanized my beloved goldfish I received an e-mail congratulating me on my acceptance to veterinary school.

tags: irony death vet school goodbye Flagella [add]

2013-06-30 13:22:38 / Rating: 244.5 /


The irony has never been lost on me that my genetic disease which causes depression also keeps the scars that cover my arms from ever disappearing.

tags: depression disease suicide irony [add]

2012-04-11 09:39:19 / Rating: 421.25 /


I've spent 20 years being worried about how much taller I was than all the boys, and in 7 minutes I fell in love with a boy in a wheelchair.

tags: irony disability love self-esteem [add]

2012-01-05 11:23:14 / Rating: 1062 /


I never believed those stories about young girls meeting up with old creeps who had claimed to be someone else until I met up with my principal.

tags: weird irony 15 [add]

2011-11-24 21:26:21 / Rating: 274.5 /

Lynn K

Walking into my room, a pregnancy test baring a faint pink double line stuffed in the pocket of my robe, I noticed my mother had placed my mail on my bed, including a letter from the university to which I had applied.

tags: irony [add]

2011-06-17 14:01:57 / Rating: 443.5 /


I married and divorced my high school sweetheart and a crazy Colombian before finding my soulmate.

tags: love marriage irony [add]

2011-05-06 15:13:03 / Rating: 541 /

Roller coasters are my biggest fear, which is ironic considering the nature of my disease.

tags: bipolar roller coaster irony [add]

2011-05-02 10:23:01 / Rating: 576.5 /

This is China

The metro security guard was too busy to look at the x-ray of my bag because he was cleaning his nails with a butcher knife.

tags: irony China [add]

2011-04-19 11:12:57 / Rating: 499 /

ironic, huh?

My therapist thinks I should become a therapist.

tags: irony therapy humor life [add]

2011-03-04 09:53:47 / Rating: 762 /


His strict, Catholic, pure-minded mother caught us having sex on the pool table.

tags: sex mother irony getting caught [add]

2011-02-10 15:09:19 / Rating: 614.5 /


UPS called to notify me that the chains for my tires to get me through the ice storm would not be delivered yet due to adverse weather conditions.

tags: humor ironic irony opposite weather car chain delivery ice storm snow UPS notify adverse [add]

2011-02-01 10:49:27 / Rating: 747.75 /


Half of my family got me food while the other half paid for the dentist to make sure I couldn't eat any of it.

tags: dentist tooth pulling pain irony cavities christmas love food [add]

2010-12-23 13:51:06 / Rating: 495 /

Isn't technology wonderful?

The man who sexually assaulted me last year and made me into the broken mess I am today just friend requested me on Facebook.

tags: assault irony anger [add]

2010-12-07 09:42:55 / Rating: 634 /


When I was a teen I wished that I would get hit on a lot, but now that I'm in my late twenties I wish I could go to the grocery store or pump gas without getting hit on.

tags: irony beauty life [add]

2010-10-19 15:19:48 / Rating: 392.5 /


He insisted I wasn't slutty even as we lay panting and naked in the backseat of his car.

tags: irony sex guy friends [add]

2010-10-19 15:19:35 / Rating: 361.75 /


An hour after my father told me he'd need a double lung transplant, my mother gave me money in the hospital parking lot and asked me to buy her cigarettes.

tags: irony [add]

2010-08-31 21:34:38 / Rating: 410.5 /


Shortly after telling us we needed to lose weight, my grandma was offended that we didn't want all three desserts she had prepared.

tags: grandmother family humor irony food [add]

2010-08-05 12:24:14 / Rating: 743.5 /


I once gave a report for my writing class in which I explained how Alanis Morrissette's song Ironic used Irony incorrectly as a way of explaining irony, which I thought was in itself ironic.

tags: humor irony [add]

2010-07-28 14:55:06 / Rating: 707.75 /


I was writing a poem about death when my health class learned that writing poetry about death is a sign of someone being suicidal.

tags: irony school poetry suicide [add]

2010-07-14 10:26:14 / Rating: 481.75 /


The same day i hear my therapist say "fuck" for the first time, I learn her cat's name is Sparkles.

tags: irony therapy humour [add]

2010-06-25 11:11:32 / Rating: 466.25 /


After surfing dozens of porn sites and downloading thousands of songs illegally, I finally got a virus on my laptop from a website containing quotes from the Bible.

tags: humor irony religion technology computer [add]

2010-05-24 15:27:24 / Rating: 1301 /


My brother cried and quoted a Barbara Streisand song the day he called to tell me he'd accepted my sexuality.

tags: humor irony gay coming out [add]

2010-05-24 15:24:23 / Rating: 691.25 /


Finding myself beside the homeless man to whom I had said "No cash, sorry" three times that day, I sat with a book and lemonade in a cash-only cafe.

tags: irony homeless shame [add]

2010-04-07 10:20:06 / Rating: 365.75 /


It's hilarious to hear my father tell me he wasn't being a racist when he was berating me for "dating a filthy Filipina."

tags: racism irony love [add]

2010-01-27 09:30:57 / Rating: 472 /

My Mum, Dad and twin sister were killed in a plane crash, but if they hadn't been, I would never have met my brother.

tags: death family irony [add]

2009-11-30 13:06:20 / Rating: 633.5 /

Double-edged Logic

My mother refuses to let us bake things very often because "then you're just going to eat them."

tags: irony wtf [add]

2009-11-25 08:55:04 / Rating: 475.75 /


His family watched in morbid silence while seven perplexed fiancees wept by his graveside.

tags: life irony deception [add]

2009-11-19 09:21:48 / Rating: 621 /

" . "

Performing a hysterectomy while I was experiencing the worst cramps I'd ever had was hilariously ironic, but I couldn't bring myself to explain to my all male surgical team why I was laughing.

tags: irony ovaries surgery period [add]

2009-11-06 14:21:44 / Rating: 549.5 /


Missed the email in 2002 from my childhood friend that I thought probably died from crack, but in 2009 I read his email and found him online, alive and a proud grandparent.

tags: irony grandparent drug crack [add]

2009-11-02 14:38:26 / Rating: 390.25 /

Lynda Austin

My sister completely skipped her birthday to die the next day on mine.

tags: death dying sisters irony [add]

2009-10-26 16:16:21 / Rating: 479.75 /


Coincidentally I met the next man I would love on the same night the last man I loved cheated on me.

tags: love cheating humor irony [add]

2009-09-08 13:41:50 / Rating: 586.75 /


When he mockingly calls me a kid I mockingly call him a pedophile, but we're both right.

tags: irony [add]

2009-08-12 10:32:28 / Rating: 675 /


After noticing that I alone filled up a whole dumpster in a week, I realized my carbon footprint was the equivalent of Sasquatch.

tags: insight irony [add]

2009-07-29 09:01:19 / Rating: 342.5 /


Organizational Assembly had been unwittingly shortened to OrgAsm on my transcript which also stated that my performance in it had been perfect.

tags: college irony humor [add]

2009-07-15 11:10:26 / Rating: 1094 /


I found it oddly appropriate that the night I couldn't get the temporary heart tattoo off my forearm was the night you broke my heart.

tags: irony heart on sleeve unrequited love humor [add]

2009-07-15 09:48:47 / Rating: 425.5 /

Thornton Wilder Award Winner

My dad stopped complaining about my bad grades when I won $100 for a short story I wrote out of boredom during math class.

tags: writing school irony [add]

2009-06-19 16:30:56 / Rating: 733.25 /


We thought we were being so sneaky with our teenage sex rendevous, until we walked up the stairs to his room and heard his dad say, "Better make it a quickie guys."

tags: sex humor irony [add]

2009-06-19 16:30:01 / Rating: 710.25 /


The other mothers on the playground don't like me, even though they have no idea I'm the girl who gives their husbands $20 lap dances.

tags: irony risque [add]

2009-06-14 17:23:30 / Rating: 578.75 /

Oh, the irony

It was only after I voted "no" on an unapproved entry that I realized it was one of my own.

tags: humor irony meta [add]

2009-05-29 09:19:01 / Rating: 706 /


The $1 store swiss rolls I bought to console myself were better than all the expensive chocolates I received when we were together.

tags: relationships irony humor [add]

2009-05-08 07:54:47 / Rating: 622.75 /

Sean L.

I found out today from my neurologist that my heavy marijuana smoking actually improved my brain-wave activity and functionality and my IQ rose 20 points, so I smoked a joint in celebration and finished my calculus homework.

tags: drugs irony [add]

2009-04-30 10:38:05 / Rating: 1283 /


The day I lost my virginity was the day my Virgin Mobile cell phone broke.

tags: virgin virgin mobile virginity irony [add]

2009-04-21 15:09:30 / Rating: 3761.5 /


I applied at vegetarian restaurants, organic food markets, and a bank but the only job I got was at the hunting store.

tags: irony jobs wth selling out hypocrite [add]

2009-04-19 21:36:27 / Rating: 501.5 /


I am nearly 21 and the entirety of my relationship experiences involve being asked out by a mentally challenged kid, a guy who after one date, called six times a day for a week and a half, a 50 year old illegal alien, and the son of the 50 year old illegal alien.

tags: 21 relationships dating boys irony [add]

2009-04-19 21:33:06 / Rating: 712.25 /


As my knife found his flesh, I never would have guessed that my would be rapist would later sue me for his medical bills.

tags: rape self-defense irony lawsuit don't mess with me I'm from Chicago [add]

2009-03-11 13:24:13 / Rating: 862.5 /

the other girl

"I would run away with you tomorrow if I weren't dating your best friend," he said while we were having sex on my best friend's bed.

tags: irony best friend sex cheating [add]

2009-03-09 12:41:44 / Rating: 580.75 /

Dennis Martin

The young man standing nearest the casket was dressed exactly the same to his identical twin brother, who was lying in it.

tags: twins death irony [add]

2009-03-06 13:29:31 / Rating: 815.75 /


I realized my family's odd list of priorities when, while standing in the kitchen under the leaking roof, my father informed me he needed a ride to the Porsche dealer to pick up his new car.

tags: money priorities leaky roof irony [add]

2009-02-23 09:32:38 / Rating: 603.75 /


"Have you considered becoming a therapist?" asked my therapist.

tags: irony therapy [add]

2009-02-12 11:29:28 / Rating: 678.5 /


It was at "Disney on Ice" when my Dad told me Walt Disney was a Nazi.

tags: humor irony Disney Nazi [add]

2009-02-06 14:11:47 / Rating: 572 /


I only realized how strange my life was when I received a full scholarship for having a father in prison for murder.

tags: college irony financial aid murder [add]

2009-01-28 12:27:26 / Rating: 910.25 /


My dog was almost hit by a hearse today.

tags: irony dog death hearse close call [add]

2009-01-26 09:37:22 / Rating: 636.5 /


My wedding began after his ex-girlfriend was removed from the church and ended after I lit my veil on fire with the Unity candle.

tags: humor wedding irony [add]

2009-01-12 15:23:47 / Rating: 899 /


I once played DanceDanceRevolution for 4 hours straight then jumped off a balcony into a pool, only to almost drown because the muscles in both my legs stopped working the moment I hit the water.

tags: humor ouch irony [add]

2009-01-09 11:16:39 / Rating: 616.75 /


My teacher told me my excuse was more bogus than a story she had read on One Sentence, which happened to be the truest thing I had ever written.

tags: humor teacher irony teacher read my story and didn't know it was mine meta [add]

2009-01-07 11:40:56 / Rating: 651.5 /


I laughed out loud in class at the severe irony when he pronounced it "foo pah."

tags: humor irony faux pas mispronunciation [add]

2008-12-22 15:47:59 / Rating: 618.25 /


Every time I think of September 11th, I remember how he tried to convince me to lose my virginity "on a day I would never forget."

tags: sex virginity irony [add]

2008-12-16 09:12:45 / Rating: 731 /

The girl in the back

Having a panic attack on my school's "Mental Health Awareness Day" is just a little more ironic than I prefer.

tags: irony not the Alanis Morisette kind [add]

2008-12-04 13:15:55 / Rating: 615.25 /


It was two in the morning and I had the number for the suicide hotline in my hands before I decided that they no doubt had better things to do.

tags: irony self-worth [add]

2008-11-12 09:57:51 / Rating: 800.5 /


I'm selling my old mattress to a guy I had a one-night stand with.

tags: irony random humor sex [add]

2008-11-06 14:19:41 / Rating: 880.75 /


The day I was ready to tell him "Yes" was the day he came in holding my best friend's hand.

tags: irony sad relationships high school awkward messed up [add]

2008-10-15 15:11:19 / Rating: 734.5 /


Running into my uptight, conservative boss at a gay bar was both the most embarrassing and the most gratifying experience of my life.

tags: irony humor gay coincidence boss [add]

2008-10-07 16:53:57 / Rating: 1085.5 /

Just Me

He came out to me five seconds before I came out to him and the last three years of silence suddenly seemed so wasteful.

tags: gay coming out truth irony [add]

2008-09-29 13:50:30 / Rating: 999 /


It was only after my mom drew her last breath that it occurred to me to ask her how I was going to get through this without her.

tags: death irony [add]

2008-09-29 13:47:05 / Rating: 707.5 /


I deserved the false positive of the pregnancy test for leaving it in my car for two weeks in the Florida sun.

tags: scary pregnancy irony [add]

2008-07-17 09:19:20 / Rating: 506.75 /

What a combination

I walked out of the drug store with a "Congratulations on your new baby" card, a month's worth of birth control pills, and a coupon for personal hygene wipes wondering what the cashier must be thinking.

tags: irony babies [add]

2008-07-14 16:57:44 / Rating: 463.25 /


The irony that I had taken a day off from my job collecting horse urine to go to the doctors and have to provide a urine sample did not escape me at all.

tags: job humor irony horses doctors [add]

2008-07-07 13:57:05 / Rating: 619 /


It was only appropriate that the one day that I, the most gullible student in the fourth grade at the time, did not believe a ridiculous story that someone told me was that day in September when the world changed forever.

tags: irony childhood 9/11 memory disbelief [add]

2008-06-02 13:36:25 / Rating: 649.5 /

Oh the irony

Reading through the unapproved sentences yesterday, I was impressed with the emotional intensity and similarity I had with one of them, until I realized it was one of my own.

tags: humor irony meta [add]

2008-05-30 10:09:50 / Rating: 697.25 /


The broken car window was only made more annoying by the fact that they hadn't actually stolen anything.

tags: thief stupid annoying irony funny [add]

2008-05-13 11:57:45 / Rating: 677.5 /


I blew out my knee making love to my fiance a week before I had to go to the recruiters office.

tags: sex irony humor air force injury knee love [add]

2008-05-08 17:37:40 / Rating: 797 /


I'm the high school dropout with purple hair, yet I'm the only one out of my group of friends with a job.

tags: irony [add]

2008-04-29 12:11:07 / Rating: 493 /


1 hour and 45 minutes, a talkative bald man, a crack-head with a faxing issue, and 13 color copies later, I am still hours away from ready for tomorrow.

tags: interview resume irony humor [add]

2008-04-25 10:22:44 / Rating: 538.25 /


When I wrenched my back unpacking the massage table, her anniversary gift suddenly became "ours."

tags: humor anniversary injury gift irony [add]

2008-04-15 10:05:44 / Rating: 643.75 /

Stephanie E.

I went to the emergency room and was diagnosed with a headache.

tags: humor health irony [add]

2008-04-07 14:21:43 / Rating: 561.25 /


As soon as he said "Be careful," I fell down the stairs, breaking both the typewriter and my finger.

tags: irony injury clumsy [add]

2008-04-02 15:23:21 / Rating: 566.75 /


When I finally got to see my only son again after 30 years apart, he nonchalantly said: "You know, it's great to meet you, but I already have a dad."

tags: irony [add]

2008-03-25 10:52:57 / Rating: 514 /


As I put away my birth certificate that was returned with my new passport, I found the passport I thought I lost.

tags: humor oops irony [add]

2008-02-13 13:07:17 / Rating: 556.75 /


I realized what irony was when I reached for my box of birth control hidden in a baby's onesie.

tags: humor irony sex babies [add]

2008-01-16 14:21:53 / Rating: 634.75 /


My co-worker, who is named Patience, is the most stressed out person I know.

tags: irony humor the office [add]

2008-01-16 14:20:08 / Rating: 513.75 /


When my Catholic grandmother watches America's Funniest Home Videos she laughs hardest when a man is hit in the groin and that makes me laugh harder.

tags: irony afv [add]

2007-12-31 11:53:02 / Rating: 593.25 /


She thought I was looking at myself in the mirror, but I was actually flirting with another girl from across the room whose ass and eyes I caught in the reflection.

tags: flirtation sex humor irony love romance wonder mystery bullshit [add]

2007-12-27 12:25:39 / Rating: 793.5 /


My rapist went to jail and was released early for "good behavior.".

tags: rape crimes jail irony childhood [add]

2007-10-10 13:34:25 / Rating: 932 /

Murphy's Lawyer

She meant it as a joke when she saw our downcast faces and asked "Who died?", but she didn't expect me to answer.

tags: death joke irony [add]

2007-10-03 10:07:36 / Rating: 795.5 /


As I struggled with my human anatomy studies, I realized that I now knew the most effective way to slit my wrists.

tags: school frustration irony [add]

2007-09-19 15:07:54 / Rating: 668.25 /


I left my ex-wife for her and then later she left me for my ex-wife.

tags: cheating lesbian divorce irony [add]

2007-09-19 15:04:27 / Rating: 948.25 /


In the month since I've started my new job I've been paid more then I ever have in my life but have yet to be given anything to work on.

tags: job money boredom irony [add]

2007-09-19 15:03:10 / Rating: 605.5 /

Texas Honkey

I am a 25-year-old journalist who graduated high school with honors, is finishing up my English degree and I can't spell the word calander.

tags: irony spelling grammer english humor [add]

2007-09-13 13:51:26 / Rating: 678.25 /


I was a row behind her at his wake, two at his funeral, and across the table at the dinner but I never told her I slept with him while they were dating.

tags: funeral irony [add]

2007-09-07 22:43:40 / Rating: 519.5 /


As they sit and think they are better, I take away their food and never have felt smarter.

tags: restaurant jobs intelligence childhood irony hospitality [add]

2007-08-14 16:59:37 / Rating: 680.25 /


I had been crying for hours, so I felt a little silly when the moment he told me he was on his way right over, I stopped.

tags: crying love humor irony depression [add]

2007-07-09 10:09:16 / Rating: 757.25 /

Shaden Freude

She had no idea that when she sarcastically said "I know I'm going to die," about getting her wisdom teeth pulled that she actually would.

tags: irony death tragedy [add]

2007-07-05 17:28:29 / Rating: 696 /


The only thing that is orginized in my life is my pill box.

tags: pills irony [add]

2007-06-22 10:45:26 / Rating: 581.75 /


When security arrived, I was bloody, shaking, bruised and crying and they asked me, "Are you okay?"

tags: assault security police irony [add]

2007-06-22 10:37:33 / Rating: 692.5 /


World of Warcraft led to the end of our relationship, but has now become a healthy part of it.

tags: relationship humor irony love change accepted video games world of warcraft [add]

2007-06-19 14:07:44 / Rating: 758.25 /


I used to have nightmares that he would leave me, but now they are fantasies.

tags: marriage irony [add]

2007-06-15 17:31:44 / Rating: 740.5 /


I came out at BYU because I couldn't not go to bed with her and then she left me eight years later for our therapist.

tags: irony first love coming out gay [add]

2007-06-14 14:57:57 / Rating: 704.25 /


How fitting it was that my best friend's abusive husband died a painful death from melanoma of the rectum.

tags: irony karma cancer abuse [add]

2007-05-30 13:38:41 / Rating: 867.5 /

dan r

And so, seven hours before going to VietNam, I went to jail instead for smoking weed grown from seed smuggled back from VietNam.

tags: irony Vietnam weed jail military [add]

2007-05-24 23:42:39 / Rating: 772.75 /


It was only after the sleepover with whipped cream and pillow fights and her boyfriend on speaker phone that I found out she had lost her virginity to him an hour earlier.

tags: friendship irony sex [add]

2007-05-21 10:15:51 / Rating: 706.25 /


After hearing for the umpteenth time how important it is to live in the now, I begin to wonder why I am spending my "now" studying for the AP Psychology exam, and furthermore, why I am submitting this to One Sentence.

tags: irony meta [add]

2007-05-10 10:40:59 / Rating: 609.5 /


My mother, being enraged, screamed "You son of a bitch", to which I replied, "Yes, I am."

tags: humor irony mother son arguement [add]

2007-03-28 17:07:09 / Rating: 1050.25 /


I was 16 when I learned my parents weren't immortal.

tags: irony sad humour [add]

2007-02-12 12:36:47 / Rating: 720.75 /


I pressed the panic button and when 5 fully armed policemen arrived with the security company, I was even more afraid.

tags: irony crime South Africa [add]

2006-12-18 10:01:11 / Rating: 616.25 /

The Ordinary

It is the definition of irony that you confess to me now, here in the broom closet, when I know that my breath reeks something fierce.

tags: irony confession crush childhood [add]

2006-12-05 12:28:55 / Rating: 730.5 /

long way from home

In the weeks of my stardom in Nigeria as a 5'2 white female "didn't make the cut in high school" basketball player I regained my confidence.

tags: humor irony college sports [add]

2006-12-05 12:27:53 / Rating: 640.5 /

Kate O

In my psychology course, we're talking about sleep deprivation and its negative effects on the body, and yet my workload in that class causes me to pull an all-nighter at least once a week.

tags: irony sleep deprivation psychology high school [add]

2006-11-28 10:02:21 / Rating: 752.5 /

Random Person

People used to shun me for my freakishness, now they love me because of it.

tags: irony individuality [add]

2006-11-09 16:09:32 / Rating: 516.5 /

Pocketwatch Pope

It wasn't until the next day that they found out they had both called me at the same time and that, if they hadn't, none of us would have been alive to realize it.

tags: friends irony lesson life [add]

2006-11-05 11:42:39 / Rating: 690.25 /


It was during a philosophy class, sitting bored and staring at the wall, that I wondered 'Why the hell am I here?'.

tags: school thought philosophy irony [add]

2006-11-05 11:40:28 / Rating: 697.5 /


When we were eleven he was grossed out when I accidentally took a drink from his glass, but by the time we were sixteen he actually wanted to swap spit with me.

tags: humor kissing irony childhood [add]

2006-11-01 16:20:27 / Rating: 761.25 /


I tormented her while she lived but she died and I'm the one left in turmoil.

tags: irony death school bullying [add]

2006-10-25 11:04:10 / Rating: 767.25 /


He said he loved me, but left me for another girl, only to try and win me back again.

tags: irony heartbreak [add]

2006-10-11 14:19:32 / Rating: 581.25 /


He would complain that I wasn't feminine enough, but he left me for a dude.

tags: irony humor breakup [add]

2006-10-09 14:20:01 / Rating: 803.5 /

you know who i am

My mother called me to do a chore and i responded, "What you need, Woman," to which my father chided, "Your mother is NOT a woman!"

tags: humor irony [add]

2006-09-16 09:27:04 / Rating: 2869 /


Recently I realized that I waste my life on the internet ... and published this insight in a blog.

tags: addiction irony [add]

2006-09-14 10:14:49 / Rating: 2285.5 /


He longed for me for four years in high school and then forgot; I avoided him for four years in high school and then obsessed for ten about what could have been.

tags: unrequited love obsession irony [add]

2006-09-09 10:17:16 / Rating: 2336.25 /


I married my husband on our first date, but it has taken me more than 5 years to decide what colour to paint our dining room.

tags: irony relationships decorating decisions [add]

2006-09-04 11:48:05 / Rating: 2351.5 /


On my tour of Kyoto I dislocated my thumb by falling down some slippery stone steps as I was exiting a shrine where I prayed for good health and good luck for the remainder of my trip (no pun intended).

tags: irony health travel [add]

2006-08-14 00:11:08 / Rating: 720.25 /


I once ran the sound for a touring mime company.

tags: humor college mimes irony [add]

2006-08-10 01:45:23 / Rating: 862.25 /