The priest told me I was going to hell for being raped.
The priest told me I was going to hell for being raped.
If my family is Christian, then why do I remember watching Sesame Street in Yiddish?
When my religious grandmother told me that she thought it was "disgusting for gays to marry," I realized that she would never come to my wedding.
While my classmate's very Christian parents were fighting to ban Huckleberry Finn in English class for its profanity, my mom bought me a fictional book for my birthday detailing the lives of Japanese hookers and proceeded to think nothing of it.
She called my beautiful new baby boy a "half breed bastard" because I don't go to her church.
I realized I had probably picked the wrong religion when the priest, a week after he had read my essay about acceptance and respect of all people out loud to the class, told me that I would go to hell after I told him I was gay.
After surfing dozens of porn sites and downloading thousands of songs illegally, I finally got a virus on my laptop from a website containing quotes from the Bible.
My family always joked I started going to church because I was having sex with the pastor, but that didn't come until much later.
My grandmother never asked me to go back to Sunday School after I was told to color a picture of Jesus, while going through a 'draw handlebar moustaches and pitchforks on everything' phase.
When my pastor jokingly texted me the message 'Dude, you should really stop fantasizing about licking whipped cream off my buttcheeks...' I realized that I really do fit in there.
I am a Protestant in a Catholic RCIA class only to appease my fiance's parents, but I wish the priest would stop referring to my kind as "heretics."
While you were at camp finding God, I was doing shots at a house party.
My little cousin asked, "If Jesus was human, does that mean he farted?"
It only took 48 hours for my dad to start with the same tired old arguments, and likewise it only took 48 hours for me to start counting down the days until school starts again.
My twin brother told me that if he thought God told him to kill me, he wouldn't think twice.
How fitting; the more tarnished my cross necklace became, the more tarnished my faith in it.
My roommate for next semester silenced her overwhelming Catholic preaching for an entire year until after we signed the lease.
At the age of 17, a trainee religion teacher told me, an unbaptized athiest, that I wouldn't be given an apple at break if I continued to refuse to write a letter to God.
Somehow, I think she would have preferred I said "lesbian" rather than "Wiccan."
My priest decided that saying two hours of continuous rosaries was necessary for the safety of my soul after he found out what I did at my birthday party.
When the priest said my parents didn't raise me right because I was planning to marry a Baptist, I stopped being Catholic.
I lost most of my friends, the respect of my parents, and the desire to kill myself when I finally told everyone the truth about what I believe.
Alicia said, "Feliz Navidad," to which Jeanne replied, "But you're Filipino, not Jewish."
The wanting to kill myself first began when I was told there was a heaven and that my older brother was there.
While looking under the couch cushions for the remote control, I instead found a pamphlet entitled "Would You Like to Know More About the Bible?"
Mormon boys corrupt just as easily as others.
I imagine the people at Harvard gave my application the same look Mary received from the Israelites when she told them her new son, Jesus, was immaculately conceived.
I didn't realize it at the time, but my willingness to go streaking at a Christian school in the middle of the night was probably one of the strongest indicators that religion and I didn't have much time left together.
I thought that I was a tolerant Catholic, but it turns out I was really agnostic the whole time.
Though he thinks he's got me over a barrel because my religion won't allow me to divorce him, he's going to be very shocked when the papers get there next week.
It took me till ninth grade to realize that it wasn't the best idea to preach Satanism to my Protestant friends.
My atheist neighbor has helped more people in the past year than my entire congregation has in the past ten.
Every time my former pastor asks me when I'm going back to church, I make excuses and evade telling him I converted to Paganism.
I rejected Christianity only to acquire the belief that Mars gives a damn about me.
If you read the shortest verse in the Bible and truly understand it, you don't need to read the rest of them.
I've had butterflies for a week, can't stop smiling, and dread what will happen when he finds out I'm not Christian.
I considered myself a Christian until I had to take a religion class at a Jesuit university.
I am two books into the Bible and I have five pages of questions.
Last Sunday, waiting in line to receive the Eucharist, I finally realized I'm an atheist.
I'm not a Muslim, but he is, and I want to show him that I can be just as strong, so we're both fasting for Ramadan.
I wished I would have kissed you in front of my mother, just to show her that her God-fearing ways haven't affected me.
Rather than have the same pointless and one-sided conversation I'd suffered through so many times before, I gambled and told him I had become a Buddhist.
I love giving people the wrong idea about me by wearing a cross around my neck.
I stopped listening to Family Force 5 after I realized they were a Christian band.
I am only mildly concerned that I have to talk myself out of believing in ghosts, but talk myself into believing in God, and I still consider myself a devout Catholic.
It split us up when she went from an open minded veggie to a narrow minded omni as a result of finding religion after her nervous breakdown.
My IQ rose yesterday and this world, and life, have taken on new meaning.
I lied and told him, "I believe in God," in order to make him love me.
I was 42 and single when I got pregnant for the first time and my very religious parents surprised me by being happy rather than disowning me.
"It's an interesting coincidence that the third advent candle is lit on the third day of Channukah this year," said the Muslim gleefully.
My best friend was an evangelical athiest and eventually dumped me because I would not convert.