Story archives - tag: "work"


Never again will I reply to a work email with "regards" because the letter g and t are too close together.

tags: humor work [add]

2011-05-12 09:30:29 / Rating: 1060.25 /


After hearing a colleague describe being shaken up after watching a homeless man die earlier that day, we sat in the break room telling morbid death jokes for half an hour.

tags: dark humor death work [add]

2011-04-18 15:23:54 / Rating: 551 /


After we were introduced, she looked at me as though she were piecing together all the particles of shit she had heard about me and relating them to my face.

tags: pretty funny work frenemies bitches [add]

2011-01-06 16:32:06 / Rating: 519.75 /

work sentence

A friend and I tried making our own version of One Sentence at work, but all we got back were poor motivational one liners and complaints about spammed inboxes.

tags: work friend onesentence spam meta [add]

2010-11-10 15:39:14 / Rating: 470.25 /


Clicking "publish" on that article about toilet paper convinced me that being an editor is terrible for my soul.

tags: humor toilet paper work editing [add]

2010-11-04 12:21:00 / Rating: 520.25 /


Alone at the research lab with a two-inch goldfish keeping her company, she brewed her first cup for the day, took a deep breath and began to write her story.

tags: work solitary mornings [add]

2010-10-07 16:14:37 / Rating: 340.25 /


Water Aerobics: 30% working out 70% floating around gossiping.

tags: humor water lifeguard work [add]

2010-09-09 08:28:16 / Rating: 600.25 /


The funny looks from my wife and the lack of morning traffic on the way to work should have clued me in, but it wasn't until I saw the empty parking out that I realized it was Saturday.

tags: oops humor work military [add]

2010-08-31 12:12:39 / Rating: 580 /

growl owl

Having discovered One Sentence last summer at a job I quit soon after, I find myself rediscovering it almost a year later, at the same job, about to quit again.

tags: work deja vu meta [add]

2010-06-08 11:57:34 / Rating: 402.5 /

katla the dancer

Once the sweat dried, the blood clotted, and the bones healed, I got out onstage with my dance company and won best performance in the state of California.

tags: dance competition pain work first place [add]

2010-05-17 14:44:18 / Rating: 470.75 /

too much internet

Getting paid to goof off really isn't as awesome as you would think.

tags: work bored internet [add]

2010-03-13 22:23:48 / Rating: 582 /

Customer Support

When she started the call by referring to her computer as her TV, saying she couldn't bring up her "Wahoo," I knew I was in for a fun call.

tags: work facepalm [add]

2010-01-19 16:20:13 / Rating: 585.25 /

Always right

It cost you two weeks, $15,000 and numerous complaints from other employees, only to discover I was right all along.

tags: work manager idiot [add]

2009-10-23 12:37:41 / Rating: 426.25 /


A student tried to stab me, and an administrator harassed me, and because I stuck it out until he asked me to resign, I'm the one with a record.

tags: work teaching harassment [add]

2009-10-12 12:04:34 / Rating: 431.5 /

Fired by God

Today I was fired from Barnes and Noble because a customer complained that I had stocked Christian Bibles in the fiction section.

tags: Bible humor books work [add]

2009-09-14 11:14:14 / Rating: 962.75 /

His Gal Friday

In a passive-aggressive defense to his passive-aggressive attitude, I didn't tell my boss about the mustard on his lip right before his big meeting.

tags: work [add]

2009-07-13 16:01:23 / Rating: 356.5 /


At work, I routinely have to ask people if they have rhinestones on their underwear.

tags: work underwear [add]

2009-07-10 11:11:24 / Rating: 417.75 /

Lewis H.

Ronald Reagan's robe fell open in front of me and there he was naked as the day he was born.

tags: work humor famous [add]

2009-06-29 14:02:34 / Rating: 495.5 /


I realized how much I hated working in the OC when I saw a couple pushing a stroller meant for twins, and instead of twins it contained four poodles wearing pink argyle sweaters.

tags: humor work Orange County retail [add]

2009-03-19 08:57:33 / Rating: 939.75 /


All I said was that her Facebook page needed to be more professional, and she started crying.

tags: work Facebook crying professionalism beer bong [add]

2009-02-06 14:12:27 / Rating: 521.25 /


I have been cooking professionally for 12 years and the worst burn I ever got was from a pop-tart.

tags: cooking work pop tart burn [add]

2009-02-06 14:09:37 / Rating: 807.25 /


I had to explain I'd lose my job as a swimming teacher if someone drowned in my class, again.

tags: swimming job work humor [add]

2009-01-29 09:57:54 / Rating: 576.25 /

for Zandra

You know work is exciting when in the same week you can say, "I got attacked by an angry black midget" and "I was bitten by a lesbian stripper."

tags: humor work ridiculous strange midget stripper [add]

2008-12-12 09:22:25 / Rating: 926.25 /


I only have 70 days left to live, but I'm looking for a job anyway.

tags: job work suicide plans death [add]

2008-10-07 15:15:51 / Rating: 886 /


A failed suicide attempt on Tuesday night makes it hard to care on Thursday when your boss is mad you stayed home sick on Wednesday.

tags: suicide suicide attempt overdose OD work stress sick depressed boss [add]

2008-08-22 13:56:03 / Rating: 1013.25 /

Youth Minister

Its four in the morning, I'm still sitting at Denny's smoking, and I just now realized that it's because going to sleep means having to wake up tomorrow.

tags: work fear [add]

2008-07-30 14:34:41 / Rating: 608 /

he told me i'd argue with a stop sign...

Going up in the elevator at 7:59 a.m. on the dot like always, I realized that my ride on the elevator is never quite long enough.

tags: work hating work dreading work elevator [add]

2008-07-29 12:15:49 / Rating: 427.25 /


I took note when he pronounced it "lie-berry" so that no one in the office could call me arrogant for considering myself smarter than my boss.

tags: boss work idiot [add]

2008-07-09 17:38:32 / Rating: 537.75 /


I used to want to be a writer when I grew up, until I learned the word "poverty."

tags: humor childhood writing work [add]

2008-05-28 15:56:22 / Rating: 719.25 /


After my boss told me "I can treat you any way I want to because I pay you," I asked him, "Did they teach you that in MBA school or in church?"

tags: work boss slavery I quit [add]

2008-05-07 12:20:58 / Rating: 646 /


Today I've identified 15 objects on my desk that could kill a person.

tags: work murder frustration [add]

2008-04-25 10:37:37 / Rating: 820.75 /


Oh please, no, not reply all, NO!

tags: email onosecond work oops [add]

2008-03-19 10:04:14 / Rating: 718.5 /


I tried to say "nice to meet you" to the President of my company, but could only get a muffled word out before I choked on my half-chewed-but-not-quite-swallowed animal crackers dipped in peanut butter.

tags: work peanut butter issues receptionist embarassing [add]

2008-02-20 12:48:48 / Rating: 653.25 /


While on my way to the office this morning, I realised I really should be less careful when crossing the road.

tags: work depression hate excuses [add]

2008-01-22 18:13:54 / Rating: 660.75 /


I really wish my new office mate could tell a story in one sentence.

tags: long-winded work co-worker meta [add]

2007-12-28 13:53:17 / Rating: 751.75 /


The first clue it's been a long day is when you profess your love to the vending machine down the hall.

tags: work stress chocolate humor [add]

2007-12-03 15:16:43 / Rating: 679.25 /


Sitting at work, editing boring conference sound clips, all I wanted to do was save them under the "Death Metal" Genre and see if anyone noticed.

tags: work humor death metal conference [add]

2007-11-30 13:38:11 / Rating: 556.75 /

Holy Roller Novocaine

I may have cost my company ten million dollars yesterday, but it's more important for me right now to figure out who in my office I would cast in 'Office Space' roles.

tags: humor movies work [add]

2007-11-07 13:13:45 / Rating: 582 /

The Song In My Head

Our manager didn't know that you had to push a button to make the drive-thru window open again so her face got stuck.

tags: button drive-thru window face stuck humor work manager [add]

2007-10-29 10:14:57 / Rating: 873 /


I only have to write one more page for this project that's due tomorrow that I've been working on for three days straight, and I have writer's block.

tags: frustrating project work deadlines writer's block [add]

2007-10-29 10:09:41 / Rating: 469.5 /

Pharmacy Tech

As I handed Mr. Paul his wife's prescription-strength deodorant, I commented on the nice weather we were having, and he responded, "Once while I was in the Pacific, a cloud followed me around for a year, and all the boys would say, 'Here comes ol' McGinty.'"

tags: work humor bizarre [add]

2007-10-22 14:08:05 / Rating: 623.75 /


I'm afraid someone is going to drown because I stare at the hot lifeguard instead of the children swimming.

tags: lifeguard crush work [add]

2007-10-02 15:45:14 / Rating: 532 /


My trust in the postal system was destroyed the day we received dead cockroaches in the mail.

tags: trust mail work bugs fear USPS cockroaches [add]

2007-09-28 17:10:28 / Rating: 727.5 /


I think that I must be the only one who observes soberly dressed office workers on their way to and from work and wonders if they are wearing brightly coloured underwear beneath their suits.

tags: office work humour underwear humor [add]

2007-09-27 12:28:46 / Rating: 812.25 /

Doug Young

I've stopped dancing on my work desk after hours ever since I learned anyone can see right through the blinds.

tags: humor work [add]

2007-09-24 09:32:59 / Rating: 572.5 /


After seeing the tears on my keyboard I now realize why they say office relationships are not a good idea.

tags: work relationships tears [add]

2007-09-21 15:20:14 / Rating: 600 /


The fact that I do more work than I need to to avoid going home makes me realize I need to get away for good.

tags: work school trapped home leaving [add]

2007-09-21 15:19:48 / Rating: 688 /


I've just realized being a wage slave does not fit in my scheme of things.

tags: work worries slavery [add]

2007-09-19 15:02:29 / Rating: 506 /


I should've known it would be a long day when I managed to lock myself out of my apartment twice before 7am.

tags: locked out stress work keys [add]

2007-09-13 13:55:35 / Rating: 626 /


My incompetent coworker is telling anyone who will listen that she was written up because of me, even though I didn't even work here then.

tags: work idiot incompetent liar [add]

2007-08-24 16:30:45 / Rating: 551.25 /

Oh man.

I lost a huge chunk of my thumb, which is better than the foot I could have lost had I let it drop.

tags: toes thumb work ouch [add]

2007-08-03 15:43:16 / Rating: 570.5 /


I slammed my finger in the till at work today and told my boyfriend it would definitely have to be amputated at the shoulder.

tags: ouch humor work boyfriend [add]

2007-08-01 12:39:52 / Rating: 686.5 /


Today, a lady called my manager and referred to me and the other host as "incompetent idiots."

tags: work oops humor [add]

2007-07-31 14:35:58 / Rating: 542.75 /


Our non-bi-lingual manager was highly embarrased to find he had been screaming not praise, but "Cheese! Cheese!" at everyone in spanish.

tags: humor McDonalds language spanish work [add]

2007-07-30 13:28:57 / Rating: 672 /


Funny how my husband had to wait months to be promoted to General Adjuster when his co-worker just had to run out of business cards.

tags: work promotion huh [add]

2007-07-24 16:42:06 / Rating: 479.25 /


While sitting on the pot at work, it occurred to me how much I enjoy playing under the door games with my cat when I'm doing the same thing at home.

tags: kitty cat toilet humor work home [add]

2007-07-23 13:21:12 / Rating: 643.5 /


Finally, he decided that he didn't love me anymore, so I guess all I can do is to become a good hindi speaking exiled particle physicist.

tags: heartbreak that's life work loneliness [add]

2007-07-05 12:28:25 / Rating: 627.25 /


As I prepare for work tomorrow I think, "Can I do this for another 20 years?"

tags: work career [add]

2007-07-05 12:27:15 / Rating: 574.25 /


At work, I learned that shake mix can be a wonderful plaything, and it's just as fun to watch someone shove it into their mouth.

tags: work fun shake [add]

2007-07-05 12:26:48 / Rating: 518 /

Dave Walls

I keep telling myself 'the phone is going to ring', but after two months, I can't seem to believe myself anymore when it comes to job interviews.

tags: jobs work hope dreams career frustration [add]

2007-07-05 12:25:50 / Rating: 662.25 /


I knew it was going to be a bad day when I was up for work at 6am on a Saturday, and my biscuit flopped into my tea mid-dunk.

tags: tea disappointment work biscuit dunking overtime saturday flop [add]

2007-06-22 10:46:34 / Rating: 667.25 /


I've been out of the office for 3 days and everyone thinks I'm swamped catching up on e-mails but, really, I'm just wasting time surfing the Internet until I go to lunch and then go home early.

tags: work laziness e-mail procrastination Internet addiction office [add]

2007-05-24 23:42:07 / Rating: 687.5 /


Just one more day and the most boring of all work courses will be over.

tags: work learning course boring [add]

2007-05-17 13:49:20 / Rating: 583.5 /

Sabres in 2007

We knew we did the right thing when we found the uncooked bacon strip under our recently axed employee's desk.

tags: humor work ex-employee [add]

2007-05-09 16:40:14 / Rating: 600 /


A twenty year career with twenty more to go is motivation to quit.

tags: work quitting [add]

2007-04-27 16:32:47 / Rating: 605 /


My mouse finger twitched, wanting to mark every e-mail my boss sent me as "spam."

tags: work boss e-mail spam frustration [add]

2007-04-23 11:23:10 / Rating: 640.75 /

just shut up

She doesn't know it, but the more she talks at work the more ugly she becomes.

tags: ugly on the inside office work annoyed disappointed [add]

2007-04-05 16:51:23 / Rating: 587 /


I'm out of work and looking for a new job in a new city but secretly I love having nothing to do all day.

tags: work unemployed [add]

2007-03-28 17:04:09 / Rating: 487 /


My boss is going out of town tomorrow and I think he knows I will skip out on work if given the chance.

tags: work [add]

2007-03-27 16:08:05 / Rating: 469.75 /


Not even two months into my first job and the place is shutting down.

tags: jobs work closing bummer [add]

2007-03-27 11:47:07 / Rating: 544.75 /


At work today, I learned how to make a chicken out of a cloth towel, though I don't think I can re-create it.

tags: humor work chicken crafts [add]

2007-03-16 13:37:57 / Rating: 606.75 /


The work week seems to be a repeating blip that echoes a nasty scratch on the record of life.

tags: work life depression money time week weekend loneliness lonely sad music scratch skip world economy social crisis freedom [add]

2007-02-12 12:32:42 / Rating: 1004.75 /


As I sat numbly answering the phone, i realized how unfair it is that something you have absolutely no control over can make you so miserable you don't enjoy anything anymore.

tags: sadness work [add]

2007-01-19 09:30:10 / Rating: 567 /


At 9am I was turned down for a promotion and at 3pm found out that I failed the professional exam I was sure I had passed.

tags: work failure exam [add]

2006-12-15 22:05:48 / Rating: 525.5 /


After checking his email for the 437th time that day, he realized his love for his job was like most people's love for feces.

tags: job work e-mail [add]

2006-12-12 14:36:57 / Rating: 592 /


It's not always the best idea getting drunk with your colleagues, but it's interesting!

tags: party alcohol work [add]

2006-12-10 13:16:00 / Rating: 586 /


After serving liquor to alcoholics all day, I realised that I am, in fact, a bad person.

tags: realization alcohol work [add]

2006-12-05 14:32:37 / Rating: 695.75 /

MIA Robin

Just as my boss began to speak at the company Christmas dinner, she simultaneously sneezed and farted, stopping every fork in midair.

tags: humor work boss [add]

2006-12-05 09:39:03 / Rating: 920.5 /


Listening to the posturing of brilliant people, I wished I could tell them I would rather be watching TV.

tags: revelation work academics [add]

2006-10-19 00:25:02 / Rating: 540.5 /

call me dave

They were very polite people, posh offices and nice desks and we all knew there was no "second stage" for me.

tags: interviews interview job jobs office work [add]

2006-10-02 09:21:11 / Rating: 671.5 /


I began to play and it was great until I realized it was actually work so I quit and got a job with insurance and a bigger cubicle.

tags: play work job [add]

2006-09-15 10:37:26 / Rating: 617.5 /


It was the fifth stationary object I'd accidentaly hit with the company car, I was glad that I didn't own my own vehicle and that living breathing things tended to move about.

tags: work driving humor [add]

2006-08-23 20:36:30 / Rating: 707.25 /


I realized the plan to sneak a second holiday in Spain was not going to work unless I only went out at night and returned to work after my "illness" without a tan.

tags: holiday work humor [add]

2006-08-17 19:57:32 / Rating: 620.5 /

Dave Walls

I vowed today not to laugh at someone's funny name while working, then I was introduced to a older woman named "Gay Usher".

tags: work humor funny names [add]

2006-07-17 17:50:32 / Rating: 816 /